Love & Marriage: Is Submission Necessary To Make A Marriage Work

My single girlfriends have a pretty diverse range of opinions on marriage. Some think monogamy and therefore marriage is a fairytale and would rather end their days with cat in lap, tropical breeze blowing through graying hair and glass of pinot noir in hand. Others want the storybook wedding, the Cosby marriage and the Harvard bound children. Most are in the middle somewhere. One thing that often comes up with single girlfriends and guy friends is submission…

For the more religious types, a wife submitting to her husband is the expected course of action–a “duh” type of thing that goes right with putting on that wedding band. Just because it’s expected doesn’t mean it comes easy though. Even my Bible thumbing sister girls question their ability to “submit” to a dude. Most of my girls think that whole submit thing is a bunch of bull caca and the dudes wonder if their future wives can even call it even much less submit.

For me, in my household, there’s no submission. My husband and I are partners in this home. We recognize each other’s strengths and weaknesses and we fall back or step up accordingly. It’s insane, as a free adult, to submit to another person 100% of the time. Hubby and I have brains so we use them. I have no problem deferring to him or trusting his judgment on big decisions when I’m not available for some reason or when he is clearly the better person to handle it. I don’t feel the need to control things just for the heck of it. We’re partners. We have eachother’s back, we support eachother and we do things that benefit us both.

So, when my single girlfriends gripe about the idea of marriage and giving up their freedom and individuality, I balk. Ladies, if you don’t want a knuckle-dragging man whose gonna come in thump his chest and proclaim “Me man, you woman,” then don’t get with that type of dude. It really is that simple. In my opinion, the most critical thing for the success of a romantic relationship is sharing values. I value my independence (I’m the most solitary person I know) and my husband’s and hubby feels the same. Awesome. Everything is not perfect of course. We both have egos that need stroking or deflating at different times. But in the end, we have the same goals in mind.

Living with someone, whether you’re married or not requires compromise and creative solutions to keep your sanity and maintain a healthy relationship. Submission is just not in the game plan to me. Permanent submission is not something a free human being does for another human being.

Asserting basic human dignity, rights and intelligence does not impinge upon manhood. Any man who thinks otherwise, is simply not someone who would date me and vice versa. I have no problem with letting a man be a man. But he has to be a real man who is secure and loves his intelligent, resourceful wife. Marriage is what you make it.

Do you think you have to submit to your husband in order to have a peaceful, functioning household? What do you think you have to give up to have a solid marriage?