Pt. 3 Perceptions of Beauty: Fat is the New Ugly on the Playground

Editor's note: This is the third part of a six-week Friday series on the perceptions of beauty. Last week we looked at the counter campaigns against society's beauty ideal. Next week we take a look at men who are struggling with body issues.

(CNN) -- Marah Rhoades remembers when her daughter, Emilia Cooper, started to worry about weight. She was 5.

That's when boys at her Brooklyn school started calling her fat. Emilia, now 9, has always been taller and more broadly built than most of the other kids in her class, and she quickly learned her body type made her a target for teasing.

"At that point she became very aware of weight," says Rhoades. "She started coming home and telling her 3-year-old brother, 'If you eat that you're going to get fat.'"

"We all exercise a lot, and it's definitely just her body type," says Rhoades. "We started having a dialogue about it, but it's hard for her to understand that there are different bodies."

Fat is the new ugly on the school playground. Children as young as 3 worry about being fat. Four- and 5-year-olds know "skinny" is good and "fat" is bad. Children in elementary school are calling each other fat as a put-down.

As our country becomes more obsessed with increasingly skinny ideals of beauty at the same time that we're getting more obese, "Fat hatred has become so pervasive that it is part of the fabric of our language and interactions," says Dr. Robyn Silverman, author of "Good Girls Don't Get Fat: How Weight Obsession is Messing Up Our Girls and How We Can Help Them Thrive Despite It." "Fat and thin are no longer simply assessments of size or weight, but rather of character. So you can imagine why adoption of these attitudes, diet talk and disordered behavior is happening earlier as well."

Worrying about weight starts early

Children pick up on stated and unstated messages from their parents and media starting from the time they can open their eyes, quickly learning what the ideal person for their gender looks like. When parents are more concerned with weight, the children are more likely to have the same concerns. But the larger culture of movies, television, Halloween costumes and mass market T-shirts tells young people at a very early age that fat is bad and thin is good. It doesn't even matter if your children don't watch television, adore Disney movies or adore Barbies.

"It's such a strong cultural idea that children are going to start picking up on it immediately, just like gender and what it is to be properly feminine," says Dickinson College professor Amy Farrell, author of "Fat Shame: Stigma and the Fat Body in American Culture." "It's not just TV, it's the entire culture. Fat children are treated differently than slimmer children from the time they're very young. We hear concern from parents about their babies being fat. We think someone is less intelligent if they are fat."

Readers recall their own childhood experiences

The "fat is bad" language can start in preschool, where children don't know what "fat" means but they know it's not good. "We hear that girls of all different weights worry about being fat because it's such a lethal hot button for other girls to use," says Silverman. "They associate it with being blameworthy, ugly, lazy, unpopular and all the polar opposites of being happy, well liked, popular and good. It may have nothing to do with how they look."

It doesn't matter if you don't watch any television and send your children to schools that don't allow children to wear any mass market commercialized T-shirts or bring brand-name toys to share. Western culture's obsession with weight goes deeper than anything a parent can consciously do to limit its influence, according to Peggy Orenstein, author of "Cinderella Ate My Daughter." She limits her daughter's exposure to mass media but still heard her talking about weight at age 6, spelling the word "fat" in a whisper.

In television, movies and toys, the messages are usually pretty clear: The thin characters are usually good and smart and the fat characters are stupid or evil. Magazines and billboards emphasize the idea that skinny is the goal. "Fat people are portrayed as evil or stupid," says Orenstein. "It doesn't take much exposure for kids to understand that message."

What's the impact?

Emilia Cooper is an ice skater but won't lift her arms during her routines because she thinks her arms are too fat. Her mother worries she's not thinking about more interesting and healthy topics: having fun while skating, learning new routines, her homework or having fun with her friends.

People who diet a lot -- and therefore regularly spend a lot of attention and self-control on what they eat -- often don't have enough focus for math problems or other exercises, says Jennifer Thomas, a psychology professor at Harvard Medical School and assistant director of the Massachusetts General Hospital Eating Disorders Clinical and Research Program.

It's also true that growing children and teens need to eat healthy, well-balanced meals to grow into healthy adults. In people who severely limit their food intake for prolonged periods, brain scan studies show their brains shrink, says Thomas.

Talk with them, not at them

Aylin Ellenburg, a Miami mother of 17-year-old triplets, tackled the topic of body image and body disorders with her daughters in a group setting. She helped create a book club with mothers and daughters from her children's middle school. When they read a novel about a popular teen with an eating disorder, the girls got to share their concerns and hear their mothers' struggles without feeling like it was a lecture.

"We did it at that early age so they would understand the consequences of being overly concerned about weight and understand that someone could look 'perfect' and be hurting inside," says Ellenburg, who has two girls and one boy. "The girls really talked about it and us moms got to put in our two cents. The girls enjoyed being at the same level as the adults."

Stop talking about food in moral terms

Parents whose weight is normal but who talk about how they need to diet or lose weight around the children all the time can have a negative influence on their children, whether it's Mom talking about dieting because she's gained a couple of pounds or "being bad today" by having a piece of cake. "Children pick up on the idea that their parents think [the parents] need to lose weight and get in their heads that they [the children] need to do the same," says Debbie Rhea, an eating disorders specialist and kinesiology professor at Texas Christian University.

To that end, author Orenstein realized she was sending a signal by not ordering an ice cream cone when her husband and daughter each had one. "I'm going to have to get an ice cream cone so she knows it's OK that I do," says Orenstein.

Remind your children of your values

If you truly believe in treating people respectfully and celebrating diversity, the buck stops with you. Don't just talk to your children about your values. Talk about them with other people when your children are listening, live them in the way you treat others and include yourself on the list of people who shouldn't be criticized for your body type. Don't accept anyone, even the in-laws, criticizing you or your children for body shape or size.

"Teach your children that everyone deserves to be treated well, no matter size, shape, skin color or how expensive their shoes are!" says Farrell, "We come in a diversity of shapes and sizes. Enjoy your body, enjoy physical movement, eat tasty and good-for-you food and celebrate the fact that you are alive."

Hey Bloggers let's talk.....post your comments!

Ludacris & His Daughter Launch Educational Website for Kids

The entertainer's 10-year-old reinforces the idea that education can be fun with Karma's World

It’s every successful parent’s hope for their child to follow in their footsteps. In the case of rapper/actor/entrepreneur Chris “Ludacris” Bridges his 10-year-old daughter Karma Bridges has done just that—twice over.

The budding entrepreneur, alongside her father, recently launched, KarmasWorld.com, an interactive Website that uses music and games as educational tools. Geared towards elementary school students (grades 1-6), Karma’s World reinforces the message that learning can be fun. “When you talk about Black Enterprise and we talk about building wealth for our families and our kids,” says Ludacris. “I’m extremely proud and extremely excited about this.”

Blending entertainment and education, the site currently features nine original songs that are all performed by Karma. With subject matter covering everything from mathematics and geography to proper manners and self-esteem, the music contains a family-friendly message that’s also a learning tool. Listeners can sing along to the lyrics, which are posted on the site, and with their parents permission can purchase any of the songs via iTunes. An additional batch of tracks will be added to the library in the coming months. “People may have heard about kids songs but they may have never heard them in this way,” says Ludacris. “It’s like urban and pop songs mixed together.”

Karma’s World also features educational games that focus on reading, writing and arithmetic. In addition to being grade specific, the content highlights a different lesson plan for teachers and tips for parents every time the site is refreshed. There’s even a “more challenging” section for young people that wish to test their brainpower with Karma’s Crosswords and Scrambled Continents games. “[Karma’s World] is just amazing and I’m extremely excited about it,” Ludacris beams. “It’s about to be a revolution.”

Coping With Depression When Money or Personal Problems Arise During the Holidays

Six tips on how to stay positive and enjoy (or endure) the holiday season: by Lynnette Khalfani-Cox

As the holiday season gets into full swing, you may not feel as cheerful and festive these days as some of your friends and family members. Money problems or personal issues can dampen even the brightest of outlooks.

In fact, for some people, the holidays end up being a time of sadness and even stress-filled days. If you don’t live close to family members or don’t have anyone to celebrate the season with, the holiday season can sometimes be downright depressing. That’s when the symptoms of chronic depression, anxiety and other negative feelings can rear their ugly heads.
Add the cold and dreary days of winter in most regions to the mix, and you may not be in the mood to do anything close to celebrating.

Still, there are some ways to stay positive and even enjoy the season. Here are six effective ways to cope with depression during the holidays:

1. Don’t band-aid the problem

Don’t let negative emotions drive unhealthy habits, such as endless (and mindless) shopping sprees, binge eating episodes, or excessive drinking sessions. Instead, refrain from engaging in any extreme behaviors that will only cause you additional mental, financial, or physical stress down the road. If you’re dealing with tough situations, take breaks, if only to clear your head and give yourself a little distance from stressful scenarios, people or environments.

2. Reach out for support

If close friends and family members have no idea what you’re going through, and you don’t feel you can clue them in on your troubles, look outside of your social circles and family for help. Seek out the help of a professional counselor or therapist so that you can talk about what you’re feeling. Your counselor can help you figure out what might have triggered your case of the “holiday blues” and give you a fresh perspective on situations that are making you feel sad.

3. Plan ahead

Feeling overwhelmed because you didn’t plan ahead or suddenly have too much on your plate can trigger stress and lead to depression. If you’re feeling “on edge” or anxious because there’s so much to do, start prioritizing and planning so you can take care of only the most important tasks. Taking the time to plan can make it easier to handle those hectic days ahead and might even keep depression at bay.

4. Talk to a trusted spiritual adviser

If difficult relationships with family members are making you angry, stressed, or depressed, seek out the help of a spiritual adviser to talk about your issues. Bottling up those emotions can backfire and make you feel even angrier or hostile. Many religious counselors have seen and heard it all. So don’t worry about shocking them or having them judge you. Just be honest about how you’re feeling so that your minister, clergy member or another trustworthy spiritual confidante can help you deal with any immediate problems and possibly help resolve the source of your anxiety or depression.

5. Maintain a healthy lifestyle

Skimping on sleep and eating unhealthy food can make this difficult time that much harder to cope with and successfully survive. So make sure you’re getting plenty of shuteye each night and eating well-balanced meals. If possible, try to also squeeze in a few workouts each week to take your mind off things and to promote overall physical well-being. Vigorous exercise will also release endorphins, lifting your overall mood as well.

6. Be realistic

Nobody has a “perfect” holiday and you may need to accommodate for some changes in your usual family traditions or rituals. Keep an open mind and don’t set your expectations too high. If you’re feeling tension between family members or things just aren’t working as planned, be willing to change direction and even try something new. Find ways to just enjoy your time together and make the most of it.

Even if mild or severe depression starts to kick in during the holidays, keep telling yourself that the situation isn’t permanent and neither are your feelings. If things get really bad, and you feel like you want to hurt yourself, do reach out to the toll-free hotline offered by the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Otherwise, if all the December festivities occurring around you specifically triggered your case of the holiday blues, take comfort in knowing that – in all likelihood – your sad or negative emotions will pass after New Year’s Day has come and gone.

Depression: The African American Community’s Dirty Little Secret

Often undiagnosed or ignored, depression afflicts millions. Experts share advice on noticing the signs and confronting the problem: by Tomika Anderson

Like many of the estimated 19 million Americans suffering from some form of depression, Shanice Watson didn’t realize the crippling mental disorder had grabbed a hold of her until her world began falling apart. Once a six-figure corporate executive with an apartment in the heart of New York City, Watson has had to get by on mostly unemployment insurance since she found herself jobless in the wake of Wall Street’s collapse two years ago—her savings, IRA funds and other rainy-day accounts all but dried up.

Unable to continue paying rent on her nearly $2,000 a month one-bedroom apartment in midtown Manhattan, the 31-year-old now shares a place in Harlem with two roommates, something she has not done since her college days. “It’s been humbling,” she says.
Two weeks ago her boyfriend bowed out of their relationship, fractured, in part, by financial hardship. When he left, Watson couldn’t leave her bed—the latest hit in a domino effect of devastation that had become her life.

“There are days I don’t leave the house,” admits Watson, whose deep general malaise is compounded by Seasonal Affective Disorder, a type of depression that strikes her each year at the start of winter. She’s lost 10 pounds in the past year and a half and has started smoking again after kicking the habit for several months. She says she “drinks more than usual” and rarely frequents her favorite nightspots. Relationships with her girls have become strained because they don’t understand why their normally confident, upbeat friend doesn’t seek the help of a therapist or take antidepressants to diffuse the funk. But Dr. Elisa English—a mental health professional with a private practice in New York City—does.

Dr. English fights the stereotypes of depression in Black community:

“First, there’s the obvious—if you’re unemployed it’s very likely you feel you don’t have the health insurance necessary to help pay for these services,” says English, who reports more than half of her clients are unemployed or otherwise struggling financially. “Then, there’s the less obvious: Black people tend to have a lot of fears around medication. [This is the] residual effect of devastating studies like the Tuskegee syphilis experiment, [a clinical study conducted on almost 400 unsuspecting Black men in Alabama to study the natural progression of the untreated STD]. We don’t trust White folks to medicate us unless it’s for something [tangible like] hypertension or diabetes, and many of us don’t trust White people, period—particularly around the issue of mental illness.”

And with White clinicians dominating the therapeutic community—English estimates less than two percent of all social workers and psychiatrists are African-American, out of 40 million—it’s no wonder more Black people aren’t opting to sit on a therapist’s couch. Still, English and public relations maven Terrie Williams, author of Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting, insists neither money nor a potential therapist’s skin color should ever be a deterrent to getting the help you need.

“There are actually a considerable number of free services for high-risk groups like [school-age] children and women, ages 20-40, particularly in major cities,” explains English. (Men are less likely to seek help for their depression, she says, so there’s less data—and consequently—specialized services for them.) “For example, in New York City [you] can contact the Department of Mental Health and Hygiene to get screened for depression and to get help in [learning how to manage it].”

Williams, also a licensed clinical social worker who was diagnosed with depression herself in 2004, insists that a good mental health professional—Black or White—is better than none at all. “You can have a Black therapist who may not understand you as well as a White one,” she says, warning against stereotyping. “I once sent a gang member to speak to Dr. David Grand—a White therapist I love—and after he talked to David he cried… he had a total breakthrough,” she says. “David helped him understand he wasn’t crazy—he was just suffering from PTSD [post-traumatic stress disorder]. It’s not just the veterans, you know—we’re at war in our streets every day.”

This warfare, Williams says, is often internal and historical: the result of unresolved childhood trauma around poverty, fatherlessness and other common “community” ills, manifesting in violence, crime, drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, workaholism and shopping, gambling and sex addictions. “We do not mourn that our daddies are not in our lives,” says Williams of the estimated 92% of Black households run by single mothers. She says millions of Black people are depressed over this critical issue and others, not realizing it. “Children experience this as the ultimate rejection and no one ever explains to them where that empty feeling comes from. If you’ve never talked about it, mourned it or even acknowledged it, how do you work through it?”

Many Black men often deal with depression quietly
That is why the celebrity P.R. rep, who says she keeps a bottle of the antidepressant medicine Clonazepam handy for when the blues hits, is a huge advocate of “talk therapy.” This, in spite of the argument Williams gets from many Black folks—particularly those in the church—who insist God is the only one who can take away their pain. “I tell them it was God who led me to the right psychiatrist,” she says. “He puts angels in our lives to help us do what we’re called to do.”
Williams encourages anyone suffering from an inability to sleep, eat, or enjoy their favorite activities for more than a couple of weeks to put aside any fears of being labeled “weak” and seek professional help. Being physically fit and working out can prove beneficial in building mental fortitude as well.

“People sometimes think I am a little overzealous about life-coaching, therapy and counseling,” she says, “but I think it’s essential for us to say it out loud, ‘I hurt.’ It’s so incredibly freeing. It’s not just the unresolved childhood trauma pain, either—it’s the stuff that happens to us on a day-to-day basis. The stuff you don’t recognize is hurting you until you sit down and talk about it. Write in a journal, talk to a friend, call a hotline—do anything you have to do, just give voice to it. Only then will the pain start to go away.”

Need help? There are several resources that can assist you:

Online depression resources

National Institute of Mental Health

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Are You Ever Too Old to Start a 401(K)?

Whether it's you or your grandma, here's what you need to know about saving for retirement

A reader of AskTheMoneyCoach.com wanted to know whether or not it’s a smart decision for them to launch a 401(k) or 403(b) investment plan later in life. The person asked me simply:

Q: “Should I start a 401(k) or 403(b) investment plan at 63 years of age?”

A: Yes! Actually, I think it can be a good idea to start a 401(k) plan at any point during your working years. You may know that a 401(k) or 403(b) is an employer sponsored retirement savings plan. But you may not know the full range of benefits associated with these plans.
For starters, you get three primary advantages with saving for your Golden Years using a 401(k). The first advantage is that you can set aside retirement funds on a pre‑tax basis; this lowers your annual tax bill. The second benefit is you get the potential for get capital appreciation when you invest your 401(k) funds in investments such as individual stocks or mutual funds. Finally, a third benefit of a 401(k) is that you may receive matching funds from your employer – which helps turbocharge your savings.

A 401(k) also gives you a more disciplined approach to investing for retirement, because you’ll be consistently contributing to your retirement assets – every pay period – regardless of what the market is doing. Such consistency also helps takes emotion out of the investing equation – making you less likely to be driven by fear or greed when the stock market swoons or surges.
Even if you wind up retiring in a few short years—say, at the age of 65 or 70, it’s still worth it for you to put aside more money into that nest egg and help to build your savings cushion.
That way, when you do leave the work place, you are not simply dependent upon your own savings that you might have had, which may be limited. You also won’t be solely dependent upon government funds such as Social Security.

Currently, the average Social Security recipient is only receiving roughly $1,000 per month. That’s not a lot of money to live off of.

If you’re 63, you’re probably at a higher level of earnings power, so you have the option to go ahead and put aside more money.

And here’s a bonus for you: The IRS recently announced that starting in 2012, the maximum amount you can sock away in a 401(k) plan is being raised to $17,000 for those under 50 and to $22,500 for those 50 and older. That’s a $500 increase over 2011 levels. (That $22,500 figure includes the “catch up” contributions that individuals 50 and older are permitted to contribute to a 401(k), as a way to help Americans who may have started saving for retirement later in life).
So let’s assume you did sock away at least $17,000 a year for five years. Well, that’s $85,000. If you saved $22,500 a year for five years, you’d amass $112,500, not assuming any increases (or losses) to your savings.

Hopefully, though, the funds you put aside for your retirement will grow and collect interest. Also, as I mentioned, you may even get some form of an employer match as well. It might not be dollar for dollar, but even if it’s $0.50 cents on the dollar or $0.25 cents for every dollar that you put in, that’s an additional kicker that you can look forward to.
All of this means you have many great reasons, even past age 60, to save in a 401(k) or 403(b) plan—and I would encourage you to do just that.

Attention Layaway Shoppers: 8 Tips to Know Before Using Layaway

Why you need read the fine print before committing to that purchase.

If you’re already thinking about holiday spending and want to be a savvy shopper, you might be considering using layaway in order to stick to a budget or avoid credit card debt.

I think using layaway is a great strategy and we’ve had a number of retailers in recent years start to bring back layaway in a big way.

But before you use the layaway process it’s still important that you make sure that you read the fine print for any retail deal that you enter into. It’s also smart to ask a few questions to make sure that layaway is the right choice for you.

The Better Business Bureau recently gave consumers a checklist of questions to ask when you’re buying items on layaway, in order to help you get your money’s worth and obtain the best possible terms while you’re shopping.
Here are 8 questions to ask before you commit to making a purchase on layaway:

1. How much time do I have to pay for the item?
After you put some money down for a layaway purchase, you typically have a range of time to pay it off. But some places may give you specific deadlines, such as 30 days, 60 days, or maybe even 90 days or longer. Whatever the case, you need to know exactly by what time/date you have to pay the merchandise off.

2. When are the payments due?
If a retailer says you have to pay weekly, monthly or you have to pay on a specific day of the month, you need to know that to make sure that you can adhere to those terms.

3. How much do I have to put down?
Some stores may require just $5 or even a couple bucks to start a layaway transaction. Other merchants may ask for a certain percentage, based on the overall value of the merchandise you plan to buy. Find out what’s mandatory to see if it meets your budget.

4. Are there any other fees involved?
Do inquire about fees, as various places might charge you service plan fees, storage fees or other charges. If you’re going to use one of those third‑party websites that set up layaway plans for you online they might charge a fee for their service. So be sure that you know the additional fees you might incur in addition to paying for the goods themselves.

5. What happens if something goes wrong?
Unexpected things happen in life, so it’s a good idea to know what would happen with your layaway purchase, or the money you’ve paid up front, if your finances change and you’re not able to meet the original terms of your layaway agreement.
Are you penalized, for example, if you miss a payment? Are there any “late fee penalties”? Do they return the item into stock or into their inventory? What exactly happens if you don’t pay as agreed? That’s important to know.

6. Can I get a store credit?
Be sure to find out upfront if a retailer is willing to offer a store credit if you change your mind after making a few payments. You might simply change your mind or maybe you find the same item at a much cheaper price so you decide that you don’t want the layaway goods after all. Well, do you just lose your money or will the store actually issue a refund you or at least give you a store credit? A store that won’t issue a credit could be a deal-breaker for savvy layaway shoppers.

7. What happens if the item goes on sale later?
Ask merchants whether they will discount the purchase price for you if you were buying something that was previously, say, $99 and you were going to pay, $33 a month for it. But then all of a sudden the item goes on sale for $79.

8. Do they have a good rating from the Better Business Bureau?
It always pays to do a little homework on the companies with whom you’re doing business. In this case, before you enter into a layaway transaction, you might want to find out a retailer’s BBB rating. It tells you something about the way in which the company conducts business, the level of consumer complaints they’ve had, and so on.

Again, I like the idea of using layaway. Some people consider it sort of a throwback, kind of a relic of that old‑fashioned, good old method if saving up enough money for a purchase until you can actually pay for the whole thing in cash.
And you know what? That’s a good habit to get used to – or perhaps to get back to.

Back in the day, a lot of us used layaway as a way to budget and avoid credit card debt. And if you do it this holiday season, you’ll find that it can probably work for you as well – as long as you ask the right questions upfront.

Hometown Hightlight: Baltimore City and National Food Day

BALTIMORE (WJZ)—Baltimore is joining the countrywide push for healthy eating on nationalFood Day.

Andrea Fujii has more on how the city hopes to encourage residents to make smarter eating choices. 

The city is receiving more than $2 million to promote its message of healthy eating.

Getting Americans to eat fresh, healthy food is the goal of national Food Day, and Baltimore is joining in on the effort.

“Having access to healthy diets in combination with reducing things like diabetes and smoking in the end will have people living longer,” said Dr. Oxiris Barbot, city health commissioner.

There is also a $759,000 federal grant to put a new grocery store in Howard Park, which is now considered a food desert. That means there isn’t a grocery store for residents within a mile.National Food Day is a grass roots movement spearheaded by the Center for Science and Public Interest to encourage Americans to eat healthy food grown in a sustainable and humane way.

“This is a great example of how a grocery store can increase communities’ access to healthy food as well as spur job creation,” said Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake. 

The Whitelock Community Farm in Reservoir Hill is trying to provide just that.

“Growing it in a way that is environmentally friendly and also socially just, so trying to take care of the people who are growing the food and the people who the food is grown for,” said Elisa Lane, Whitelock Community Farm.

It’s a major step toward getting good food into young mouths.

That new Howard Park grocery store is expected to open next year.

Food Day is being observed in more than 2,000 events across the country.

Topic of the Day: When a Relative Dies & You Can't Afford the Funeral

The Money Coach tells you what to do if a relative passes away and the burial costs are out of your budget

by Lynnette Khalfani-Cox

When Apple co-founder Steve Jobs passed away this month, he left behind a huge legacy – and a huge financial fortune too. Since Jobs was one of the richest men in America, his family undoubtedly had no problem paying for his funeral and putting Jobs to rest.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case with many other Americans. It’s a sad reality that many families and individuals have to deal with, but the truth is that when many people pass away, their family members or close friends struggle to afford the funeral.
Knowing what to do when you can’t afford to bury a relative can help to relieve some of the stress and heartache of this difficult time.

According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the national average cost of a funeral with a vault was $7,775 in 2010. The cost of a burial without the casket was about $4,265 that same year. For many grieving families, paying thousands of dollars to bury a relative just isn’t economically feasible.
If a loved one passes away and the burial and funeral costs are out of your budget, here’s what you need to do:

Analyze the individual’s life insurance policy
Determine whether some or all of the burial and funeral costs are covered under the deceased’s life insurance policy. Talk to an agent in person or over the phone to go over all of the details, limitations and stipulations associated with the policy so that you understand what is and isn’t covered. You may find that a good percentage of the funeral costs are already covered based on life insurance the individual had on the job or a life insurance policy they bought on their own.

Review low-cost burial options, cremating someone is usually less expensive than burying the individual in a casket or vault. If your state doesn’t require embalming the body, consider a “green burial” where you don’t have to pay for a vault, headstone or expensive caskets. You can also shop around to find an affordable casket online.

Consider getting a loan if you have good credit and are comfortable with taking on a personal loan, consider applying for financing from a local bank or credit union in order to pay for the burial. Avoid taking out a cash advance on a credit card because you’ll be responsible for paying very high interest charges and could end up carrying that debt for several months, even years.

Ask other family members to chip in you may not have to shoulder the responsibility of paying for the burial all by yourself. Consider asking family members to pitch in and help with the costs. Be specific and candid with relatives about how much the funeral costs; ask everyone involved how much they can reasonably contribute; and put together a cost sheet or budget to help you keep track of all of expenses.

Talk to your county coroner’s office if you simply can’t come up with the money to pay for cremation or burial costs, you can sign a release form with your county coroner’s office that says you can’t afford to bury the family member. If you sign the release, the county and state will pitch in to either bury or cremate the body. The county may also offer you the option to claim the ashes for a fee. But if these also go unclaimed, they will bury the ashes in a common grave alongside other unclaimed ashes. Obviously, when a person dies it’s a terribly emotional time for that individual’s family members and friends. But it needn’t cause financial turmoil too.

You can do yourself and those you care about a favor by planning ahead and making sure you at least set aside money or have enough life insurance to cover your own burial costs in the event of your unexpected death.

Do you Have Enough Life Insurance?

Life Insurance Reality Check – Do you have enough?

by ANDYS2I 

Life insurance is an important component of your financial planning. If you have a young family, it could actually be the most important element of their security. A lot of people do not have affordable life insurance yet. Among those who already have life insurance, a vast majority does not have enough coverage. Could you be one of them? 

What kind of insurance is best?

Life insurance policies come in two basic variants – whole life and term life insurance. Whole life insuranceoffers death benefits plus cash value, on account of which premiums are higher. On the other hand term insurance is affordable because it only concentrates on death benefits for which you pay cheaper premiums. When you are young with a lifetime of loans, expenses and mortgage payments to be paid, your kids education and upbringing to look after, you must consider the more affordable term life insurance. Since a term life policy can help you focus on just the death benefits, it makes sense to understand it better, and work out the best coverage amount possible. Click here to get a free life insurance quote

What kind of expenses and financial needs should a term life policy cover?

On the event of your death, the death benefit of your term life insurance policy should be able to have your family pay off your funeral expenses and invest the rest so that they can lead a comfortable life much like the one you provide for them now.

• Funeral expenses can work out to be as high as $5,000-$12,000 currently, so that’s why you will need to factor that in to your life insurance planning
• Next, your death benefit should replace your current income, so that your family can carry on with life without having to make major lifestyle changes. Remember to take into account inflation and rising costs.
• Thirdly, factor in your debts – unpaid mortgage, credit cards and loans could eat into the death benefit amount, leaving your family with very little to take care of other expenses.
• If you were to die, your family would surely have additional expenses to replace the services you used to take care of yourself. If you handle the accounts on your own, or take care of the plumbing yourself, your family may need to hire the services of an accountant, or a plumber. If your spouse is currently a stay at home parent, your family may need the services of a nanny in case he or she decides to start working to supplement their income. It’s the little details that will help you work out your family’s expense requirements better.
• If your kids are young, a part of the death benefit will have to be invested to pay for their college education.
• Consider any hidden income that you may be currently earning, but which would be lost at death. Examples are your perks, your employer’s contributions to your 401(k) plan, health insurance and your retirement fund contributions. Too many people overlook factoring this into their calculations while in actuality they could easily add up to $10,000-$12,000.

How to calculate the coverage amount

There are conflicting views on how to arrive at the perfect coverage amount for your life. Here’s an alarming statistic. The average American has about $170,000 in life insurance coverage. That seems like a lot, but it is only about four times of the average annual income in the U.S. So it’s going to tide your family over for four years, but remember that you’re going to be dead a lot longer than four years. So how do you calculate the ideal coverage amount?

The rule of thumb in the insurance industry says that your coverage should be 10 to 20 times your annual income. However, like we discussed earlier, annual income is not the only factor that should be considered when determining your needs. How much term life insurance you need is a highly individual figure. But if you know exactly what your death benefits should help pay for, then you definitely won’t make the mistake of under-insuring yourself. So the long and short of the ‘how much is enough’ dilemma is that the death benefit you provide your family should be more than your net worth. Use the help of online Life Insurance Tools such as a Life Insurance Needs Calculator to help you arrive at an accurate coverage for your personal situation. Then you can apply for term life insurance quotes.

How often should your policy be reviewed?

If you already own a term insurance policy, that’s not enough reason to think that you have enough death benefit. If you have failed to consider the expenses and the loss of income sources that may follow your death, you will need to review your policy.

Even if you have taken everything into consideration, experts recommend that you review your policy whenever there is a life changing event such as the arrival of a baby, taking in an additional family member, changing jobs, looking after ailing parents, or the loss of a spouse. These events will increase your expenditure.

In times of recession the value your investments drastically dip, while your life insurance benefits remain the same. If you were to die in the next two years, your investments would have accrued a lower income than expected due to the present economic crunch. Have you factored this into your life insurance plan? You may need to review your term policy especially during economic downturns.

ConclusionThe best way to review your term insurance policy or work out the death benefits on a fresh term life policy is to consult with an unbiased insurance advisor, preferably one who represents a large number of life insurance companies. The advisor will ask you in-depth questions on your finances and help you arrive at term life quotes that are just right for your family’s needs.

Should Your 8-12 Year Olds Little Girls Buy/Wear Make Up?

When Should You Let Your Tween Wear Make Up?

By Nancy Da Silva

Just yesterday your little girl was running around in diapers. As they grew older they would watch you put your makeup on and you’d probably have to keep their curious little fingers out of your bag of cosmetics. They’d copy your actions and there might have been times when you had to keep an eye on them to make sure they didn’t eat your lipstick.

Chances are when they hit nine or ten years of age, or these days maybe even younger, that they’ll be watching you as you apply your make up and want to try some for themselves. To wear this time, not to eat.

Visions of Britney Spears or even worse, Paris Hilton start dancing through your head. You see those tweens walking down the street in tight clothes and make up so caked on as to leave no trace at all of the faces underneath. You definitely don’t want that to be your daughter, but when they ask to wear makeup do you refuse and risk your daughter caking it on at school, without your guidance…with a picture of Paris Hilton up in her locker as a guideline?

The best thing to do is help them make it through this important milestone with age appropriate guidelines. Set the example but be open to allowing your daughter to experiment. You might want to keep the darker colors away until she gets the hang of it though. 

To read this complete article, please click the link below:

http://www.justmommies.com/tweens-and-teens/parenting-tweens-and-teens/when-should-you-let-your-tween-wear-make-up