Chemistry Or Compatability? What Matters More?

Written by Stuart McDonald on March 27, 2012 10:23 am

In any relationship, whether romantic or platonic, chemistry plays a role. It can make a “bad” relationship seem better than it is, and an already good relationship seem euphoric. But how important is it really?

Read: Marvin Sapp On What He’s Looking For In A Woman Now That He Dating [VIDEO]

How does it compare to compatibility? Ultimately where we rank chemistry and compatibility are personal choices, but either way, their importance is inescapable.

Check out some more of my thoughts in the video below and let me know where you fall.

[Written by Stuart McDonald for Elev8.com. For more from Stuart, check out his personal blog, follow him on Twitter, and connect with him on Facebook.]

Exclusive: Nia Long Denies Marriage Rumors Says "Her Dedication is to Jesus Christ"

Nia Long is a new mom, but not a newlywed.

The actress says recent rumors that she jumped the broom with NBA player Ime Udoka are absolutely false. "Marriage is not a priority," she tells ESSENCE.com. "We're happy, I'm happy, the kids are fantastic."

Long took to Twitter earlier this month to explain why she wore the rumored engagement rings: "I wear five diamond bands. Each have a special meaning," she wrote. "My dedication to Jesus Christ, My dedication to my eldest son Massai. My dedication to sweet baby Kez. My dedication to love, my love. My dedication to womanhood and self love."

The 41-year-old maintains she and Udoka are happy raising their 4-month-old son Kez Sunday and her son Massai, 10, from a previous relationship.

How do you feel about this statement: Post your comments bloggers!

What does it mean when the Bible says, "the man is head of the woman?"

"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ," (1 Cor. 11:3).

In the Jewish and Christian culture when the Bible was written, there was a concept called "Federal Headship."  This means that the male is the one who represents his descendents.  Proof of this can be found in Heb. 7:8-10, "And in this case mortal men receive tithes, but in that case one receives them, of whom it is witnessed that he lives on. ⁹ And, so to speak, through Abraham even Levi, who received tithes, paid tithes, ¹⁰ for he was still in the loins of his father when Melchizedek met him."  Notice that it says that Levi paid tithes while still in the loins of his father Abraham.  How did he do this?  By proxy since Abraham, his distant "father" represented him.

Likewise we see the concept of Federal Headship in the fall.  It was Eve who first sinned.  But sin entered the world through Adam, not through Eve.  Romans 5:12 says, "Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned."  This is because Adam represented humanity and creation.  When Adam fell, we fell.  This is why it says, "...in Adam all die," (1 Cor. 15:22).  Also, Romans 5:15 says, "For if by the transgression of the one [Adam] the many died, much more did the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abound to the many."

Alright, so this brings us to the woman.  Again notice that it says in Gen. 2:24, "For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."  When a man and woman get married, they become on flesh.  There is a unity between them.  But, it is the man who is the head of the family which is why it says that the man is the head of the woman.

Some may think that this was a cultural notion that snuck into the Bible.  But Paul makes it clear that the headship is related to the created order:

"For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; ⁹ for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake. ¹⁰ Therefore the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels," (1 Cor. 11:8-10).

It was because Eve listened to the devil that the issue of order and hierarchy in the marriage relationship has had to be raised and explained.

"I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth.  In pain you shall bring forth children; yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you," (Gen. 3:16).

This headship is not about having the upper hand nor is it to mean that a woman has no rights or is a second-class citizen.  On the contrary, God tells the husband some very seroius commands:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; ²⁶ that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, ²⁷ that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless," (Eph. 5:25-27).

Finally, the headship issue is an issue of order, not of who is better or more important.  The husband is the head of the wife in the family and he has the responsibility of guiding his family to a closer relationship with the Lord.  God will require it of him on the day when all our deeds are judged by God.

Source:http://carm.org/questions/about-doctrine/what-does-it-mean-when-bible-says-man-head-woman 

Interesting Reads: Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages

From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. Gentle voice notwithstanding, psychologist (and national television personality) Smith pulls no punches and minces no words in her heartfelt caution against the danger in believing "that you don't need what you do need." Truth is the theme here, and Smith guides listeners in how to recognize it, speak it and make it a part of the marriage. Although targeted to women who suppress themselves in order to be in a relationship, men are not left out. Smith's candid examples from her own failed marriage and those of the troubled couples she counsels ably illustrate her points. The first CD lists the top 10 lies about relationships (including "You can learn to live with the things that make you unhappy") together with their corresponding truths ("Suffering is not love"). The second CD explains how couples can make each marriage vow real. The third CD's bonus material is equally valuable: a set of 275 questions (viewable in Adobe reader) to ask before you marry. Smith succeeds admirably in taking the microscope to the myriad actions and words couples automatically do and say, and explaining how questioning them can lead to a more authentic marriage.

You can purchase this on Amazon.com.

Movies to Watch For: Think Like a Man Official Trailer #1 - Chris Brown Movie (2012) HD

Spoken word poetry: "One Verse" by Keke 'K. STORM' Anderson

7 Types Of Men Every Woman Should Date....... PT. 2

There are some men who seem to attract the attention of every woman. Then there are other men who, well… maybe they go unnoticed more often than not. That initial attraction is based on emotion, lust, or physical desire and is not rooted in anything of substance. Making decisions to date and commit to a person based on these factors can be a very costly mistake.

The purpose of dating is to get to know someone, not to have sex or fulfill lustful desires. When you rush to the dating phase, you miss the opportunity to develop solid friendships and really get to know a person. Being friends first allows you to start identifying core characteristics of the type of man who will date you for the purpose of marriage.

Here are 7 types of men that you should date:

1. The Unmarried Man -This may seem obvious, but it is very necessary to mention. There are too many women attempting have relationships with married men. Married men are not a candidate for single women to date… period! This includes married men who are separated (legally or otherwise). They are still married and not available to date. Married people have their own families and concerns to deal with. That being said, the unmarried man, who is devoted to the things of God, is the type of man you should be interested in dating. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).


2. The Kingdom Seeker -A man who is seeking God’s Will for His life will, not only seek out a woman to date, but will seek out his wife. The Bible says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). Ladies, you should be an asset; the thing that is *added* to him as he is FIRST seeking the kingdom of God. This is why I say, run as fast as you can for Jesus and the one who can keep up might be the one.


3. The Real Man -No, I am not talking about machismo behavior (all the shoulders back, chest out, fist curling gestures and such)… Real men don’t need all of that. That’s what grown-boys do to get a woman’s attention. Real men “pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace” (2. Timothy 2:22). Real men regard women as a gift that is not to be taken advantage of; they see her as priceless and desire to cling to her (Matthew 19:5). A real man’s character shows his high regard for a woman long before the dating stage.


4. The Learner -A man who is in continual pursuit of knowledge is better equipped to handle life and execute on goals / plans. He should read, seek counsel, study continuously, etc… The Bible says, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed”( Proverbs 15:22). Also, “My people are destroyed because of lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6). A man who is willing to learn and gain knowledge in life should also be more open to gaining knowledge about love and having successful relationships.


5. The Multiplier -A man shouldn’t just balance you out, he should constantly add to you. His presence should multiply your potential. He should add to the beauty of who you are and never take away from anything that is precious about you. ( “Relationship Coaching: Do you multiply or divide?”) The Bible says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33). The man you date should never cause you to compromise good morals. He should seek ways to support you in your values. His values should complement yours.


6. The Servant –A man who has demonstrated a pattern of submitting to authorities in his life (leadership, pastors, parents, etc…) will also have an understanding of how to submit to God as the head of his life and, subsequently, how to commit to his future wife. The Bible says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them… Let them do this with joy and not with groaning,” (Hebrews 13:17). His positive attitude towards authority figures is an indication of his servant’s heart and also provides a picture of how he can be in a dating relationship.


7. The Consistent Man -Emotions rise and fall, but character shows with consistency. The consistent man is not in a rush because he does not have poor intentions, nor is he interested in manipulating a woman to be led by her emotions (“ Warning: Don’t Follow Your Heart”). He will take his time to get to know you and will allow you to get to know him as well. The Bible says, “Whoever walks in integrity will be delivered, but he who is crooked in his ways will suddenly fall.” (Proverbs 28:18). Over time, the consistent man’s good character will still stand, while the man with bad intentions will also come to light.



Remember, the purpose of dating is to get to know a person. If you take your time to get to know him, you will be able to find out if he is the type of man you should date.

7 Types Of Women Every Man Should Date....PT. 1

I am going to give men a starting point for the types of women I feel are a good consideration to date. We, as men, know the goal is to have a woman we can love, cherish, hold, and make our wife. Of course what I am about to list is no guarantee of a good woman, but should be used as a foundational guide of what she can look like emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and personality-wise.

Here are 7 types of women every man should date:

1. Submitted to GodIf a woman is submitted to and passionate about living for God, she will be the same to you, assuming you’re a man submitted to God. There is something special about a woman who truly serves God.

2. A Selfless WomanA selfless woman will understand the importance of working together, sharing, devotion, and commitment for the right reasons. Her motives will be to help make life a little better for you. She will understand that dying to self doesn’t mean she does not love herself.

3. A Simple and Low Maintenance WomanA low maintenance woman tends to be focused on the truly important things in life. I’ve found them to be non-clingy, very rational, and supportive. She won’t care about how much money you have or don’t have. She will like you for who you are and is not looking for what you can do for her. She accepts you freely because she is comfortable in who she is. She is more about becoming a better woman than just appearing to be a good woman.

4. A Woman Who Can Truly Be Your Best FriendFriendship before love is always best before a serious relationship.

5. Emotionally StableThis type of woman understands God gave her emotions and instincts to give man balance. She understands emotions are never used as a decision making tool, because emotions can lead you outside of the will of God. The devil drives us off a cliff using emotions and God gently leads us with wisdom. A good book to read about emotions is “Living Beyond Your Feelings By Joyce Meyer

6. A Loyal and Patient WomanShe is with you through the good and the bad. She’s there if you’re rich; she’s there if you’re poor (if you have 2 cents, 2 dollars, or 2 million dollars… makes no difference). She is right there cheering you on and helping you to be great. She will not be looking for other men, because all of her attention is with you. She will uplift, support and encourage you.

7. A Woman with CharacterThis should go without saying, but I will add this (and this type should really be the first thing you consider for any woman). She must be of a woman of good character. Without character, it will be difficult to even build a strong friendship. Character is what we do when other people are not looking, but God always knows what we are doing (e.g. A woman who will still entertain men, giving out her number to other men, etc… is not serious about a courtship leading to marriage and it speaks to her character). How she will honor and respect the relationship as you grow together when you are not around speaks volumes about her character.

Relationships: The Write or Die Chick: 10 Annoying Things Single Women Hate to Hear

By Janelle Harris: Essence.com

Sometimes folks mean well when they say random goofy stuff. After my uncle’s funeral a few months ago, one of the ministers I’ve known since I was a kid leaned forward in her seat as I went to get a drink from my mama’s fridge, just minding my own business. 

“I’m tired of coming to see your family about sad news. When am I coming to do a wedding?” She batted her lashes. 

I grimaced inside. Ouch. Spotlight on my singleness.

“Welp,” I started, sipping slow on a glass of Sprite to quench my quick tongue, “you’re the one with the direct line to the Lord. Pray up a man for me to marry and we can have the wedding of your dreams.” In retrospect, perhaps I should’ve taken a longer sip. 

I can’t speak for all singleistas, but I’ve got a list of things I know I’m sick of hearing or answering in my adventures in unmarried-ness.

10. Use this time to work on you. Anytime’s a good time for self-improvement. I know some women need to decompress following a really bad or hurtful relationship, but singleness need not be the sole reason to chase a dream or chip away at a personal flaw. 


9. Stop being so picky. A woman wants what she wants. But if expecting a man to have a job, his right mind, some manners and all of his front teeth -- and not the Lil’ Jon kind -- makes a gal picky, then guilty as charged. 


8. Is that what you’re wearing to go out? No, actually it’s not. I was just about to change into my man-magnet lace bra top and hot pants. I mean, if I need to put ‘em on the glass in order to snag a dude, maybe I should just stay parked at home in my sweats and Proactiv mask. 


7. I envy you. I wish I was still single. Can we be honest with each other right here? If you really wanted to be single, boo, you would be. It’s free and available to anybody who wants to have it. Plenty of it to go around. 


6. It’s his loss. That might’ve made me feel better when I was in the fifth grade. Maybe a scratch and sniff sticker to go along with the advice would help heal the hurt. 


5. Have you tried [insert online dating site here]? I know the ads are convincing. Just pay your little membership fee and love pops into your inbox. But I can count on one hand how many people I personally know who’ve scored dates with reasonably compatible dudes on those sites, much less a whole relationship. And besides, the guy in the eHarmony commercial is creepy. Talking about he might not be single after their second date?! Yikes.



4. Let me introduce you to my nephew/son/cousin/brother/co-worker/personal trainer/mechanic/dentist/lawyer/butcher/bail bondsman. There are times when two people seem like they would just so totally hit it off that it’s almost stupid to not try to at least introduce them, then sit back and watch the sparks from your romantic handiwork fly. But sometimes folks just get desperate -- even if you’re not -- and all it takes for some lucky dude to become their single friend’s next date is the fact that… well, he’s a dude. Not that desperate yet. Try me again in 10 years. 



3. Do you go out to places where you can meet someone? Where exactly are these fabled places where I can just pluck guys like fresh produce off the trees, ripe and ready for commitment? Gimme an address to plug into my GPS. Rare is the woman whose main dating problem is that she’s holed up in her home in like the hermit lady who gets pranked by the neighborhood kids. We’re out there, but short of having an experience that would make prophets out of The Weather Girls, it’s not necessarily raining men.


2. Stop focusing on it and let it happen. Ah, you got me. Here I was doodling “Janelle loves Anonymous” all over my notebooks. I’m a single mother, I own a business and I’m not lamenting the absence of a husband in my household. It would be nice to be married, yes. But my life’s work is not unfulfilled because I never had an engagement ring slipped onto my left hand. 


1. Gasp! You’re so great/wonderful/amazing. Why are you still single? A long, blank stare is usually the only answer this one ever needs. 


Uhh Ohhh It's Relationships: Be a Priority, Not an Option!

Essence.com
My friend, celebrity blogger and personality B.Scott, tweeted this yesterday: “If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, [you] will miss finding someone who treats you like a priority.” It was so on point that I told him I had to write about it. A simple concept, but time and time again I see many of my friends settling for the role of “an option.”

The Twitter quote took me back about a year when I was sitting at lunch with one of my sister-friends. She is an awesome person, but has always felt “average.” In a city like New York that is full of exceptional people, it can be even more profound if you’ve always felt like someone in the middle. I get it! I think she’s wrong about herself, but still I understand. She’d been dating this guy for a year when we had our lunch last year. Dating is difficult everywhere. In New York City, multiply the level of difficulty times ten. So, my sister-friend was happy to be dating a man with a solid job, handsome enough, and with all of his teeth. Yes, it’s that hard in the “Big Apple.”

With that said, I could sense that she wasn’t completely happy. “Where do you see the relationship going, started talking about marriage yet?” I asked. She shook her head, “No.” I asked if she even saw herself marrying him. “We’ve never discussed it. Every time I bring it up, he changes the subject and says not to push him,” she sadly replied. Red flag! First, her reaction to my question told me more than her words.

Second, I truly believe that the great majority of men who’ve found their wife know within the first year and begin to discuss marriage pretty quickly.I must have opened Pandora’s Box because she started spilling her frustrated guts. Basically, the guy was typically unresponsive to her and her needs. They’d stopped actually going out on dates about six months into the relationship. Now, she would cook for him, he’d come over, they’d have sex and he’d leave in the morning. And, he broke the cardinal rule (well, she let him). He would consistently call the day of and sometimes the evening of, when he wanted to “chill” with her.“If someone is calling you the day of to make plans with you, rest-assured you are just an option,” I said.

A year into the relationship this shouldn’t have been happening. If he couldn’t keep up the courting and romance for a year, then there was no hope for the future. And, if there’s no hope for the future, there was really no point. My sister-friend heard me, however, I could tell she didn’t hear me.It made me sad because I could sense the fear and helplessness she felt. It was becoming that hard for an intelligent Black woman to find a man. And, for all intents and purposes, this guy was a “good man.” But, just because he was a “good man” didn’t mean he was good for her. Moreover, she clearly was not a priority in his life and there probably wasn’t anything she could do to change it. So, I told her to let him go.“Easier said than done!

As much as I want more, I definitely don’t want to be lonely every night. I want SOMEbody in my life," she explained. I retorted, “So, you’ll just settle for any ol’ thing to have SOMEbody?” I went on to explain that while she was settling for option status, there was a guy out there waiting to upgrade her. Sticking around with this guy because he was SOMEbody might just be blocking her from the man that was to be her true blessing.My sister-friend continued to date the dude for a few more months. Fast forward to last week and we met to catch up and gossip. Plus, she had some great news for me – she was engaged. I knew she’d been dating a new guy who by all of our friends’ accounts was terrific. “You were a hundred percent correct!

I was so desperate for a man that I’d allowed myself to take a back seat position.” And, she went on to describe the difference with her fiancé. He made her a priority in every sense of the word. She was completely happy and excited.We’ve all been there... dating someone who you know is “just not that into you” and has not made you a priority in their life. Don’t let the difficulty of dating allow you to settle for less than you deserve.

No matter who you are, we deserve to be in the pole position in our lover’s life. Wasting your time on someone who does not put you in that place may be getting in the way of you finding someone who will. Just say to yourself, I deserve to be a priority, not an option!

Does this sound like anyone you know? Are you a priority or an option? Post your comments

Should Married Couples Sleep in Separate Bedrooms?

Read the Article below and tell us your thoughts. Should married couples sleep in separate rooms?

"Till Bedtime Do We Part"

If you love your spouse but can't sleep in the same room, there's hope for you.

by: Linda Holloway

The bed shook. My eyes popped open in the dark. I lay still, hopeful that I could fall back to sleep. Just as my lids closed, a quick jerk roused me again. Then a three-stage snore ripped through the silence. Exasperated, I threw back the covers and headed for the guest room.

Tempted to stomp across the hall, I tiptoed instead. Even though my husband's sounds and motion prevented a restful night for me, I didn't want to wake him. No sense in both of us stumbling around in a fog at work the next day. He snored peacefully … and loudly, unaware that I'd left our bedroom yet again.

During 20 years of marriage Jerry and I slept most nights in the same bed. However, his snoring and restlessness increased over the years. In addition, I experienced more difficulty staying asleep, even if he was still and quiet. For two long years I'd move to another bed every night after about one hour's sleep. That's when I departed to a more tranquil environment. After tucking myself in bed, I might lie awake for another hour or two. I grew weary, angry, and frustrated but still hesitated to suggest separate bedrooms. I didn't want to hurt his feelings or cause him to think that my love for him was fading.

Finally I couldn't continue in a sleep-deprived state any more. I brought up the subject one night at dinner.

To my surprise my dear husband said, "I know you need your rest. It's okay." No signs of defensiveness or hurt.

"Of course, we'll have dates," I said. He raised his eyebrows and smiled at our code word for sex.

That night I kissed and hugged him and walked into my own bedroom. I read a few minutes and then drifted off to uninterrupted sleep. Jerry slept better with our new arrangement also. If he got wide-eyed in the middle of the night, he could turn on the TV and let it lull him back to sleep. Separate bedrooms made sense for us.

We're not Alone

When I mentioned this arrangement to others, I discovered that we weren't alone. Several friends enjoyed solid marriages but simply couldn't sleep with their spouses. It went beyond my circle of acquaintances. The National Sleep Foundation Survey of Women in 2007 found that 24 percent of women don't sleep with their significant other. The National Association of Home Builders observed a trend toward separate bedrooms. It predicted that 60 percent of new upscale homes will have two master bedrooms by 2015.

My friends told me their reasons for sleeping apart. In my unscientific survey, a spouse's snoring seemed to be the number one reason, regardless of age. Health also caused need for different sleep accommodations. Three friends or their spouses developed back problems and slept in recliners for relief. Hot flashes parted one woman and her husband so at least he could sleep. Also, two family members had opposite work schedules that required different sleep schedules.

Every person I talked with tried various remedies, as did I, before resorting to another bed: nose strips or tablets to quiet snoring, earplugs, retiring earlier than the snorer or restless sleeper. While those may help some couples, none of us met long term success. Even when a health issue, such as pain, restless leg syndrome, or body tics, interfered with sleep, spouses tried to maintain their common bed. Eventually, the need for sleep took precedence.

Each couple worked out the best solution for their situation. Sam and Jen sleep separately during the work week due to her snoring. They sleep together on weekends when he can snooze later. Mary spends the first hour or so with Joe to talk and cuddle, then she climbs the stairs to her own room to sleep. Cindy and Don begin the night in separate rooms. He likes to read, but she needs a dark room to fall asleep. The ones who use recliners also begin the night in their separate sleep places. Each couple settled into a routine that satisfied them both.

Younger women that I interviewed experienced some of the same problems as middle aged women. Jennie, a 30something, told me that her husband's snoring was driving her to the sofa several nights per week. Amy said that she and her husband part if one is sick or experiencing occasional insomnia. While empty nesters may have the luxury of more than one bedroom, younger couples found solutions as well. They retreated to a futon or sofa in a family room or basement recreation room. It wasn't a nightly habit, but used only as needed.

Not an End to Intimacy

Maintaining separate bedrooms doesn't signal trouble in a marriage unless spouses use them to avoid talking about problems. Honest communication is preferable to pulling into your own space like a turtle, even if you can only agree to talk about the finances, sex, child rearing, or whatever the next day. Sharon appreciated an older acquaintance's advice when she was a newlywed: stop going to another bed when she was mad at her husband.

"Honey," the woman told her. "The Bible says not to go to bed angry. Your marriage won't last if you don't face your problems."

As for Jerry and me, working together to solve our sleeplessness strengthened our relationship. Restful sleep dried up the nearly constant undercurrent of irritability so we could focus on other things, like each other.

Sleeping in separate bedrooms doesn't have to be embarrassing or an end to intimacy. It doesn't mean the spark has faded from your marriage. In fact, "Your place or mine?" can add spice to your sexual relationship. It does mean that you may need to be more intentional about assuring each other of your love and deepening your bond. Of course, all marriages require thoughtfulness and work.

If you believe that in order to sleep well you and your husband may need to sleep apart, pray about it. Then talk with him about it. This needs to be a mutual decision that's comfortable and acceptable to both spouses. And it really isn't anyone else's business what you do—not your friends, family, or even adult children. The purpose of sleeping in separate bedrooms is, well, to sleep.

Love & Marriage: Is Submission Necessary To Make A Marriage Work

My single girlfriends have a pretty diverse range of opinions on marriage. Some think monogamy and therefore marriage is a fairytale and would rather end their days with cat in lap, tropical breeze blowing through graying hair and glass of pinot noir in hand. Others want the storybook wedding, the Cosby marriage and the Harvard bound children. Most are in the middle somewhere. One thing that often comes up with single girlfriends and guy friends is submission…

For the more religious types, a wife submitting to her husband is the expected course of action–a “duh” type of thing that goes right with putting on that wedding band. Just because it’s expected doesn’t mean it comes easy though. Even my Bible thumbing sister girls question their ability to “submit” to a dude. Most of my girls think that whole submit thing is a bunch of bull caca and the dudes wonder if their future wives can even call it even much less submit.

For me, in my household, there’s no submission. My husband and I are partners in this home. We recognize each other’s strengths and weaknesses and we fall back or step up accordingly. It’s insane, as a free adult, to submit to another person 100% of the time. Hubby and I have brains so we use them. I have no problem deferring to him or trusting his judgment on big decisions when I’m not available for some reason or when he is clearly the better person to handle it. I don’t feel the need to control things just for the heck of it. We’re partners. We have eachother’s back, we support eachother and we do things that benefit us both.

So, when my single girlfriends gripe about the idea of marriage and giving up their freedom and individuality, I balk. Ladies, if you don’t want a knuckle-dragging man whose gonna come in thump his chest and proclaim “Me man, you woman,” then don’t get with that type of dude. It really is that simple. In my opinion, the most critical thing for the success of a romantic relationship is sharing values. I value my independence (I’m the most solitary person I know) and my husband’s and hubby feels the same. Awesome. Everything is not perfect of course. We both have egos that need stroking or deflating at different times. But in the end, we have the same goals in mind.

Living with someone, whether you’re married or not requires compromise and creative solutions to keep your sanity and maintain a healthy relationship. Submission is just not in the game plan to me. Permanent submission is not something a free human being does for another human being.

Asserting basic human dignity, rights and intelligence does not impinge upon manhood. Any man who thinks otherwise, is simply not someone who would date me and vice versa. I have no problem with letting a man be a man. But he has to be a real man who is secure and loves his intelligent, resourceful wife. Marriage is what you make it.

Do you think you have to submit to your husband in order to have a peaceful, functioning household? What do you think you have to give up to have a solid marriage?

How Should Christian Singles Date?

post from gospeltoday.com

What’s the “real deal” regarding Christian Singles? We asked various singles ministry leaders…here’s what they said…

Basic Steps

Shanick:

I would say the first and most important step would be to have someone whom you are accountable. As a Christian, there must be someone you can call and say who you are with and what your plans are. This must be someone you trust, but more importantly. someone who lives according to the word of God and who will be honest with you.

Secondly, you must be honest with yourself in regards to your weaknesses. If you cannot trust that you can go out on a date alone without compromising your walk with Christ then you should not. You may not be ready for dating. There are many who do group dating, but many do not believe that you can really get a sense of who a person is, or spend quality time being in a group. Seeking God first will be the guide

Should Christians Date non-Christians?

No. Some Christian women (more than Christian men) date outside of their faith. Many have said that they are praying that he converts, and opens his heart to Christ. They call this “missionary” dating, but I don’t believe that this is a good practice.

The word says “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)

What about sex? Is there an idea of “everybody’s doing it”?

I don’t believe that the idea of “everybody’s doing it” is out there, but we do know that it is happening in large numbers.

When you make a conscious choice to live by the word of God you have the instructions of why you shouldn’t.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 warns us, “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

Corinthians 6:13b, 18 tells us, “Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without (outside) the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body.” The word is true and it is always right. It is up to the individual to be obedient or not. Your choice does not change the word.

What are your ideas on dating?  Leave your thoughts on the blog.