Pt. 3 Perceptions of Beauty: Fat is the New Ugly on the Playground

Editor's note: This is the third part of a six-week Friday series on the perceptions of beauty. Last week we looked at the counter campaigns against society's beauty ideal. Next week we take a look at men who are struggling with body issues.

(CNN) -- Marah Rhoades remembers when her daughter, Emilia Cooper, started to worry about weight. She was 5.

That's when boys at her Brooklyn school started calling her fat. Emilia, now 9, has always been taller and more broadly built than most of the other kids in her class, and she quickly learned her body type made her a target for teasing.

"At that point she became very aware of weight," says Rhoades. "She started coming home and telling her 3-year-old brother, 'If you eat that you're going to get fat.'"

"We all exercise a lot, and it's definitely just her body type," says Rhoades. "We started having a dialogue about it, but it's hard for her to understand that there are different bodies."

Fat is the new ugly on the school playground. Children as young as 3 worry about being fat. Four- and 5-year-olds know "skinny" is good and "fat" is bad. Children in elementary school are calling each other fat as a put-down.

As our country becomes more obsessed with increasingly skinny ideals of beauty at the same time that we're getting more obese, "Fat hatred has become so pervasive that it is part of the fabric of our language and interactions," says Dr. Robyn Silverman, author of "Good Girls Don't Get Fat: How Weight Obsession is Messing Up Our Girls and How We Can Help Them Thrive Despite It." "Fat and thin are no longer simply assessments of size or weight, but rather of character. So you can imagine why adoption of these attitudes, diet talk and disordered behavior is happening earlier as well."

Worrying about weight starts early

Children pick up on stated and unstated messages from their parents and media starting from the time they can open their eyes, quickly learning what the ideal person for their gender looks like. When parents are more concerned with weight, the children are more likely to have the same concerns. But the larger culture of movies, television, Halloween costumes and mass market T-shirts tells young people at a very early age that fat is bad and thin is good. It doesn't even matter if your children don't watch television, adore Disney movies or adore Barbies.

"It's such a strong cultural idea that children are going to start picking up on it immediately, just like gender and what it is to be properly feminine," says Dickinson College professor Amy Farrell, author of "Fat Shame: Stigma and the Fat Body in American Culture." "It's not just TV, it's the entire culture. Fat children are treated differently than slimmer children from the time they're very young. We hear concern from parents about their babies being fat. We think someone is less intelligent if they are fat."

Readers recall their own childhood experiences

The "fat is bad" language can start in preschool, where children don't know what "fat" means but they know it's not good. "We hear that girls of all different weights worry about being fat because it's such a lethal hot button for other girls to use," says Silverman. "They associate it with being blameworthy, ugly, lazy, unpopular and all the polar opposites of being happy, well liked, popular and good. It may have nothing to do with how they look."

It doesn't matter if you don't watch any television and send your children to schools that don't allow children to wear any mass market commercialized T-shirts or bring brand-name toys to share. Western culture's obsession with weight goes deeper than anything a parent can consciously do to limit its influence, according to Peggy Orenstein, author of "Cinderella Ate My Daughter." She limits her daughter's exposure to mass media but still heard her talking about weight at age 6, spelling the word "fat" in a whisper.

In television, movies and toys, the messages are usually pretty clear: The thin characters are usually good and smart and the fat characters are stupid or evil. Magazines and billboards emphasize the idea that skinny is the goal. "Fat people are portrayed as evil or stupid," says Orenstein. "It doesn't take much exposure for kids to understand that message."

What's the impact?

Emilia Cooper is an ice skater but won't lift her arms during her routines because she thinks her arms are too fat. Her mother worries she's not thinking about more interesting and healthy topics: having fun while skating, learning new routines, her homework or having fun with her friends.

People who diet a lot -- and therefore regularly spend a lot of attention and self-control on what they eat -- often don't have enough focus for math problems or other exercises, says Jennifer Thomas, a psychology professor at Harvard Medical School and assistant director of the Massachusetts General Hospital Eating Disorders Clinical and Research Program.

It's also true that growing children and teens need to eat healthy, well-balanced meals to grow into healthy adults. In people who severely limit their food intake for prolonged periods, brain scan studies show their brains shrink, says Thomas.

Talk with them, not at them

Aylin Ellenburg, a Miami mother of 17-year-old triplets, tackled the topic of body image and body disorders with her daughters in a group setting. She helped create a book club with mothers and daughters from her children's middle school. When they read a novel about a popular teen with an eating disorder, the girls got to share their concerns and hear their mothers' struggles without feeling like it was a lecture.

"We did it at that early age so they would understand the consequences of being overly concerned about weight and understand that someone could look 'perfect' and be hurting inside," says Ellenburg, who has two girls and one boy. "The girls really talked about it and us moms got to put in our two cents. The girls enjoyed being at the same level as the adults."

Stop talking about food in moral terms

Parents whose weight is normal but who talk about how they need to diet or lose weight around the children all the time can have a negative influence on their children, whether it's Mom talking about dieting because she's gained a couple of pounds or "being bad today" by having a piece of cake. "Children pick up on the idea that their parents think [the parents] need to lose weight and get in their heads that they [the children] need to do the same," says Debbie Rhea, an eating disorders specialist and kinesiology professor at Texas Christian University.

To that end, author Orenstein realized she was sending a signal by not ordering an ice cream cone when her husband and daughter each had one. "I'm going to have to get an ice cream cone so she knows it's OK that I do," says Orenstein.

Remind your children of your values

If you truly believe in treating people respectfully and celebrating diversity, the buck stops with you. Don't just talk to your children about your values. Talk about them with other people when your children are listening, live them in the way you treat others and include yourself on the list of people who shouldn't be criticized for your body type. Don't accept anyone, even the in-laws, criticizing you or your children for body shape or size.

"Teach your children that everyone deserves to be treated well, no matter size, shape, skin color or how expensive their shoes are!" says Farrell, "We come in a diversity of shapes and sizes. Enjoy your body, enjoy physical movement, eat tasty and good-for-you food and celebrate the fact that you are alive."

Hey Bloggers let's talk.....post your comments!

International Pursuits: 5 Tips for Transitioning Into a Global Job

1. Have a plan. It's becoming increasingly difficult to live and work in some countries, such as the UK, on a lengthy visa, so be sure you have your move planned well, Burke says. Talk to your company or professional advisers and mentors and let them know what you want from your experience working and living abroad. Do your research on visas and country guidelines, safety issues and resources.

2. Be resourceful. There are thousands of fun and free events happening every day. Visit museums, go to the flower market, or go to a music show. Research things to do via Websites, newspapers, blogs, and magazines that keep you up-to-date with the world.

3. Be humble and open-minded. Explore all you can and get to know various people and cultures. Though it's great to enjoy and have pride in your home, don't be locked into your thoughts on other cultures without first being open to learning about them.

4. Get bilingual. Wherever you go in the world, there will be a foreign language spoken among the people. Commit to learning the language for yourself and for the benefit of your career.

5. Don't constantly compare your native home with your new home. A mistake some professionals make is comparing their local work/social environment to work/social environments back home. It can be a major turn-off. Embrace what has been offered to you, influence, and be influenced.

Is This to Much? Inking For Jesus.....What One Pastor Asked His Congregation to do For Lent

By Dan Merica, CNN

(CNN)-– In a hip, artsy, area of Houston, a hip, artsy pastor is taking an unorthodox approach to Lent.

Standing in front of his congregation at Ecclesia Church, a congregation he admits is different - more diverse, more urban - than many evangelical churches - Chris Seay encouraged them to do so something he said combines the ideas of sacrifice and devotion that mark the Lenten season, the 40-day lead up to Easter.

He asked them to get tattoos. Specifically, he asked congregants to get a tattoo corresponding with one of the Stations of the Cross, the collection of images that depict scenes in Jesus’ journey to his crucifixion.

“The tendency we have as Christians is to skip past Jesus’ suffering,” Seay said in an interview. “Not only do tattoos come with a bit of suffering, they are also an art form that has not fully been embraced.”

To help with the project, Seay enlisted Scott Erickson, artist-in-residence at his church. Erickson designed 10 distinct Stations of the Cross tattoos, leaving out four stations that Seay said changed in context when you are asking someone to get something permanently drawn on their body.

The Stations of the Cross depict Jesus from his condemnation to the Resurrection.
The church is now displaying photographs of the tattoos in the church’s art gallery, in an exhibition called “Cruciformity: Stations on the Skin.”

Initially, Seay has hoped that enough people – 10– would sign up to fill each station of the cross. But his expectations were far exceeded.

Seay says that more than 50 people are now brandishing one of Erickson’s designs on their bodies.

Guadeloupe Rodriguez is among them. When Seay pitched the tattoo idea from the pulpit, Rodriguez’s wife squeezed his hand. “That is what you have been waiting for,” she said.
“I fell into some hard times in my past, hanging out with the wrong crowd … got into some pretty tough drugs,” said Rodriguez, who says he found Jesus at Ecclesia. “My aunt, though, on her deathbed, said to me, ‘You only have one God, one mom and one dad – you need to be straightening up for all three of them.”

Because of that experience, Rodriguez had the churches 10th station image, the resurrection, tattooed to his body. He felt that the two birds holding a suspended banner that read, “Rise Again,” perfectly fit his personal story.

“From the day my aunt said that to me, I relied on the Lord a lot to guide me in the right direction,” Rodriguez said. “I am where I am now because of God.”

Another member of Ecclesia, Joyce O’Connor, channeled her family when she was deciding what station of the cross to get tattooed onto her body. O’Connor, who has one biological child and two stepchildren, connected with the fourth station, Jesus meeting his mother.
“I am a mother and in just a minuscule way can relate to how Mary must have felt,” O’Conner said.

“The tattoo captured me and I love it,” she continued. “When I think of that image, I don’t feel tragedy or sadness because I know how the story ends and it makes me smile.”
This was O’Connor’s first “tat,” and she said this project has exemplified why she came to Ecclesia in the first place - acceptance, out-of-the-box thinking, diversity.

Margaret Feinberg, an evangelical Christian author, spoke at the gallery opening. She said she was taken by the “beautiful blend of art and flesh.”

“I remember standing in a small booth on an upper landing looking at everyone in the room,” Feinberg wrote in an e-mail. People “from every walk of life - exploring and celebrating this time of Lent - the scene took my breath away.”

According to Seay, such experiences deem the project a success. He admits to spending a lot of time dissuading individual congregants from getting tattoos after he announced the idea. People have to “know it is what they are supposed to do,” he said.

The design Seay choose for himself, the resurrection, which shows a tree growing from a coffin, like Rodriguez’s. On Seay’s tattoo, however, the initials of people he loves fill the tree’s leaves and his nickname for his grandfather – Papa – is carved into its stump.

Seay lost his grandfather, Robert Baldwin, last year. Baldwin had been a pastor in the Houston area for 60 years and Seay considered him his mentor. Though Seay still misses him desperately, the tattoo reminds him of a simple biblical message.
“Death,” he says, “comes from life.”

CHRISTMAS FOOLERY!!! Race for New Air Jordans Turns Ugly

Should You Buy Before or After Christmas???

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FYI - Is The iPhone 4s Using An African “Blood Mineral?”

The recent announcement of the release of Apple’s iPhone 4s has caused a great deal of attention in the media. One thing the media has overlooked it the use of coltan, one of the key minerals used in the iPhone’s circuit board.

Coltan, which is mined in the war ravaged country of the Congo, is considered my many to be a “blood mineral,” similar to the blood diamonds that cause thousands of deaths in Africa.

OkayAfrica reports:

It is also what Adam Hochschild has described as one of four main reasons for ongoing deadly violence in the Congo. So much violence in fact, that it has been coined the ‘blood mineral’ – joining the ranks of the ‘blood diamond.’ In addition to the violence, working conditions in the mines can be also be deadly. We’re not here to preach, but it’s always good to be reminded of the price others pay for our technologies.

Is Hypnotism Wrong?

 Posted by revelife.com


Due to trauma in my past and my own terrible memory, I can't remember my childhood. I can picture my father as he is in photographs, but I can't, as hard as I try, remember his voice or his laugh. I can't remember my little sisters first steps. I can't recall how my parents acted back when they were in love. I want to remember my childhood.
I decided that I would go to a hypnotist. I know that it'll be hard on me, but I think that it'll help in the long run. I mentioned it to my mother, who told me that it's unethical and furthermore, no Christian would go through with it.

She told me that she would find me a counselor. However, I've been in therapy for almost five years, and been through four therapists. I know that I've made significant progress, but nothing that I couldn't have done on my own just by thinking through my own problems. I don't think that therapy would help me remember. But even if it does, I'm tired of trying, and I'm tired of therapy.

Is hypnotism wrong? And if so, why? If hypnosis is spiritually out of the question, is there anything that I can do to get my memory back?

Hot Topic: 'Maggie Goes on a Diet': A Kids' Book About Dieting?

Poor Maggie. She's an overweight 14-year-old character in a children's book that's not even due to be released until October, and already she's stirring up controversy.
Why? Because the book, aimed at 4-to-8-year-olds, is about dieting for kids. "Fat at Four? A Diet-Book Fail," decrees a New Yorker headline. Counters the Los Angeles Times: " 'Maggie Goes on a Diet' the sensible way in children's book."

According to the book's summary:

Maggie has so much potential that has been hiding under her extra weight. This inspiring story is about a 14-year-old who goes on a diet and is transformed from being overweight and insecure to a normal sized teen who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self-image.

Paul Kramer, author of the upcoming Maggie Goes on a Diet, is an ex-New Yorker who decamped 15 years ago to Hawaii, where his "true passion in life dawned," according to Aloha Publishers, Kramer's self-publishing outfit. "That passion was and is writing children's books that deal with the issues that kids face today."

It's hard to argue that childhood obesity isn't one of those issues. One in three American kids is overweight or obese. About 2 million kids are extremely obese, with a body mass index at or above the 99th percentile. Last month, a Harvard doctor generated a flurry of outrage when he suggested in the Journal of the American Medical Association that super-overweight kids facing life-threatening health complications should be taken from their parents and placed in foster care.

That's an extreme solution, of course. Kramer's book is merely suggesting that plus-size Maggie go on a diet. So what's the problem? The title sends the wrong message, emphasizing dieting instead of healthy eating, says Cynthia Bulik, director of the Eating Disorders Program at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. "We don't want kids to 'go on diets,' we don't want kids to use diet language," she says.

"You have to think about how the messages will be interpreted by a child's brain. They will not see any nuance — they will see a causal association between losing weight and becoming popular, pretty and athletic. It emphasizes valuing people for their size and appearance rather than for who they are."

Defending himself on Fox News, Kramer backed himself into a nonsensical corner. "I'm not advocating, never did, that any child should go on a diet," he says. Huh?
The plot — not to mention the title — speaks for itself. Stung after being labeled "fatty" and "chubby" by kids at school, Maggie decides to overhaul her eating habits, embrace nutritious foods and hit the exercise circuit, after which she becomes a soccer phenom. Here's how it plays out, in dubious narrative rhyme:

Losing the weight was not only good for Maggie's health.
Maggie was so much happier and was also very proud of herself.
More and more people were beginning to know Maggie by name.
Playing soccer gave Maggie popularity and fame.

Fat girl gets skinny and handy with a soccer ball, and popularity follows? Carolyn Becker, a professor of psychology at Trinity University in San Antonio who developed Reflections Body Image Program, which decries "fat talk" and promotes positive body image, says the book misses its mark. "They are trying to promote healthier behavior, but at the same time they're likely promoting weight stigma," says Becker. "For some people, getting healthier may or may not lead to significant weight loss. It's also quite possible to lose weight on an unhealthy diet."

Though the L.A. Times says the book's plot "sounds like the kind of sensible advice recommended by experts," it notes that Amazon.com customers have been less than supportive.

"The idea of this book makes me want to either cry or scream — actually both," wrote a commenter named Adrienne Ressler from Fort Lauderdale, Fla. "It's bad enough that the messages and images in the culture have co-opted most women into loathing their bodies, but targeting the insecurities of young girls, vulnerable to the risk of developing an eating disorder, borders on promoting high-risk behaviors and attitudes that are destructive both physically and psychologically. Please take this book off the market."

Kramer is not without his supporters, including Fox News contributing psychiatrist Keith Ablow, who commends Maggie for "taking charge of her nutritional status, her weight and her life. I think she's a fabulous role model — far better than the size 20 women who go on talk shows and lie about how happy they are with their bodies."

Kramer, meanwhile, has got to be kvelling. The media attention has undoubtedly raised his self-publisher's profile and guaranteed that more than just his neighbors in Maui will purchase the book once it's available. Alas, Bulik of the Eating Disorders Program won't be among them.
"I won't be buying it," she wrote in an e-mail.

What kind of examples are we setting for our young girls today - is self image everything? Come on bloggers let's hear from you post your comments.

Expert Says Cell Phone Withdrawl Has Physical Impact

(CBS News)

For many people, old-fashioned tools like maps, cameras, books, and even iPods have been replaced and integrated into one small device, the smartphone.

But now, there's concern among psychologists that the growing number of people who favor smartphones over face-to-face interaction, might be suffering from a form of addiction, CBS News correspondent Betty Nguyen reports.
New York City public relations executive, Matthew Berritt, 32, admits he's hooked.

"To be honest, I'm never without it. I know I'm addicted, because I know without it, I do have withdrawal," he said.

But Berritt isn't the only one living his life almost completely online.
Around the world, smartphone sales have exploded. In 2010, an estimated 302 million devices were sold. By 2016, that number is expected to hit one billion. And, as those devices become more integrated in people's lives, psychologists say smartphone users are in danger of becoming addicted.
According to Dr. Michael Dow, an addiction expert, "The more connected we are the less we're connecting."
Experts like Dow say that too much smartphone use, not only cause people to disconnect from reality, but smartphone withdrawal can cause physical symptoms, such as anxiety, insomnia, and even depression.
"It can actually create a lot of cortisol in the brain and in the body that stress hormone is actually cardio-toxic," he explains. "So it's actually very bad, not only for your mental health and your relationships, but it can also be bad for your biological health as well."
But like other vices, for many, the power of this addiction outweighs the mental and physical costs. And until something 'smarter' comes along, Nguyen remarked young people on the move - like Berritt - show no signs of putting down their Smartphones anytime soon.

IS A DEBT - FREE LIFE THE BEST WAY TO LIVE?

NEW YORK (Money) -- I often see advisors refer to "good" debt. I have no debt, not even a mortgage. And I find that living debt free is comforting. I don't think any debt is good. Do you agree? -- Don Rogers, Raleigh, N.C.

In a word, no.

Granted, debt can lead to big problems for individuals as well as countries, witness Greece's woes. But that doesn't mean that everyone has a realistic shot at living a debt-free life, or that they should even aspire to do so.
Take me, for example. I'm particularly leery about taking on debt, but I have a mortgage that I'm still paying off. Itook out loans to pay for college too, but I paid those off many years ago.
In both instances, I think it made perfect sense to borrow. In the case of my mortgage, my wife and I decided after the birth of our son that we'd rather raise him in a house with a yard than in the cramped apartment in New York City.
We paid cash for our million-dollar home
Without a mortgage, it would have taken us many years to scrape together enough dough to pay cash for a house. So for the improvement in quality of life alone, taking on a mortgage was a good move.
As for the school loans, it would have been impossible for me to get through college without them. From a purely financial point of view, the loans were a bargain, as they allowed me to get an education that has helped me earn more than I would have been able to otherwise. That education has helped me in lots of other ways, too. (For a recent report on the benefits of higher education, click here).
So when it comes to debt, I don't think total abstinence is a smart way to go. Rather, you should evaluate your finances and your goals and then decide whether borrowing is sensible and practical in a particular situation.
Among the questions you should ask yourself:
Why are you taking on the debt?
Is it for something you truly need or will it make your life significantly better?
Can you get what you want without the debt or without inflicting undue hardship on you and your family?
Will borrowing restrict your ability to maneuver financially in the future?
How much debt can you handle without jeopardizing your financial security?
I think most people who give those questions serious thought can distinguish between when it pays to borrow and when it doesn't.
If you decide to borrow in order to own a home, fine. But that doesn't mean you should buy more house than you can really afford by taking on more debt than you can manage or by opting for a mortgage with a teaser rate that could bust your budget when the rate resets.
No credit card, no 401(k), no problem?
The same goes for a car. Borrowing to buy a car that makes it easier to commute to work is reasonable. Buying a luxury-mobile with a loan so huge that the crushing payments force you to forego or skimp on 401(k) contributions, well, that's not so smart.
Of course, just because people are capable of making these distinctions doesn't mean they always do. In reality, people find all sorts of ways to rationalize questionable borrowing. Sometimes they confuse "need" with "want." I may want that new 70-inch LED LCD TV. But do I actually need it?
Or they justify borrowing on investment grounds. A few years ago when it seemed home prices were only going up, I warned about the practice of "equity maximization," or borrowing against home equity for the purpose of investing the loan proceeds.
Other times, the deals seem so good they may not even realize they're headed for trouble. That's often the case with credit cards, where a combination of easy borrowing, teaser rates and low minimum payments makes it all too easy for people to suddenly find themselves in over their heads.
It seems to me, though, that the right reaction isn't to avoid all debt at all times because it might lead to financial perdition. Rather, a more rational response is to be prudent about when to take on debt.
Speaking of prudence, there is one time when I think people should seriously consider ridding themselves of debt, if not entirely -- at least mostly. And that's when they're in or entering retirement.

HOW TO GET OUT OF DEBT QUICKLY:

Without a regular paycheck coming in and the opportunity for your income to grow, it's that much harder to manage debt -- and easier to get overwhelmed by it. (For more on whether it pays to use retirement savings to pay down your mortgage as you enter retirement, click here.)
But even in retirement there may be times when debt could be helpful. If someone is struggling to get by but has substantial home equity, a reverse mortgage may be a way to improve his or her standard of living.

So I recommend taking a nuanced view that allows for the fact that debt can be good, bad or something in between, depending on the situation and how carefully you handle it.
For guidance on when debt may and may not make sense and tips on managing it, I suggest you read our MONEY 101 lesson on Controlling Debt.
And while you're at it, check out our Debt Reduction Planner. That MONEY 1010 lesson, by the way, is aptly named. Because if you don't control your debt, it can easily end up controlling you.

Do you agree? Post your comments.

Whaaaaattttttt.....Black women ugly? Says who?

(CNN) --

In a couple of weeks my mother turns 65.
She takes yoga and Zumba every chance she gets and if you sneeze more than twice around her, she'll cook you a pot of collard greens. My mother believes her collard greens can fix just about anything.

She has a fiery personality that can rub people the wrong way. But those who know her don't mind, because it was that same fire that helped her overcome poverty, beat cancer and protect her five cubs. My mother is a black woman. And she is beautiful.

So to the editors of Psychology Today who thought it was a good idea to post a blog item calling black women ugly, I suggest you watch your back... my mother's cubs are looking for you.
And we are not happy.

Satoshi Kanazawa's post, "Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?" appeared Sunday and quickly circulated around the blogosphere. It drew a great deal of criticism, which I suspect led to the post being pulled, though you can still find it elsewhere on the Web.

While it's not quite as bad as Golfweek magazine putting a noose on its cover in relationship to a story about Tiger Woods, it is still rather disturbing that Psychology Today's editors needed public outcry to clue them in that the post was offensive and irresponsible.

It's challenging enough to see popular culture publications such as People and Maxim struggle to include black women in their annual most-beautiful listings, but at least their editors don't try to justify their choices under the guise of science.

"Because they have existed much longer in human evolutionary history, Africans have more mutations in their genomes than other races," Kanazawa's post read. "And the mutation loads significantly decrease physical attractiveness."

I do not dispute Kanazawa's credentials as an evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics, but I do wonder why he even approached the topic.
I question a methodology that asks random people to judge the attractiveness of other random people without taking into account the influence of background and culture. Without taking into account a Westernized standard of beauty that has not only haunted some black women into buying cream to bleach their skin but prompted some Asian-Americans to undergo surgery to make their eyes more European looking.

That's not to say white skin or round eyes are necessarily unattractive. Rather, a system that declares one set of physical attributes as the standard to which a multiethnic society must adhere is destructive. And racist. And yet as much as I detest Kanazawa's post, I do recognize it as just another chapter in the ongoing assault on black women in our culture.
He says they're ugly.

The statistics say 42% have never been married.
Some rappers say, well, we know what they say... and apparently we don't mind, because they keep topping the charts.

If you comb through Donald Bogle's book "Toms, Coons, Mulattoes, Mammies and Bucks: An Interpretive History of Blacks in American Films," you'll find a long celluloid history of black women being portrayed as anything but beautiful. Their sass is a constant source of comedic relief, but rarely are they seen as complete human beings, to be romanced or capable of being vulnerable.

Nowadays the most popular black female characters in film are not even played by black women. Tyler Perry's "Madea" and Martin Lawrence's "Big Momma" characters are unflattering caricatures of figureheads who for generations on top of generations held the black community together.

Funny, maybe. Fair, definitely not. More than two in three blacks in enrolled college are women. Three of four blacks in graduate school are women. It's a free country and film makers can say whatever they want. I'm just not sure why it's so hard to make a sequel about that. The First Amendment gives us the freedom to say whatever we want. But it doesn't say that we should.

Because of the long history of the deconstruction, Kanazawa's post, while tasteless and disgusting, is an attack black women can easily brush aside -- been there, heard that. But it does provide an opportunity for real talk within the black community and for recognizing that the wounds that hurt the most don't come from enemy lines but friendly fire. It comes from black men who know enough to respect the black women who are their mothers but not the black women who are their lovers. They fail to see the disconnect.

I'm not suggesting black women are absolved of any responsibility in how they are portrayed in the media. I'm also not suggesting that every black woman is looking for a black man in the first place. But certainly black men play a significant role in the way black women are perceived. Black men help create the environment in which a blog like Kanazawa's can be written.
We are the ones who use black women as shields because we lack the will to be disciplined, integrity to accept responsibility, or, for a small number of us, even have the courage to embrace our own sexuality.

The down-low isn't just about the impact homophobia has on black men; it's also about the selfish disregard these black men have for another person's life. In that, I see little difference between that and the black men who refuse to help raise the kids they father or resort to domestic violence.

The truth is Kanazawa's post doesn't hold a candle to the amount of damage black men continue to do to the image of black women ourselves.
That doesn't mean not choosing one as a spouse is an automatic slap to the face. Black men are free to date and marry whomever they want, just like everybody else.

Just show respect for what continues to be the backbone of my community. Women like my mother. My sisters. My aunts, cousins, friends ... the sisters who retwist my locks, fight for equal rights, usher in church or go to work every day in a society where a publication like Psychology Today thinks it's OK to call black women ugly.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of LZ Granderson.

Has society gone too far for expressing their 1st Amendment right on what they believe what beauty really is? When is enough enough? Post your comments.

Song of the Day - Its so easy to love you/ Friend of God (Israel Houghton)

SMH - Walmart Shorting People on Gift Receipts' Value....

(CBS News)
The beauty of a gift receipt is that you can give a present without a price tag and the gift can still be returned.

But when you use a gift receipt, how do you know you're getting the right amount back?
An investigation by CBS stations CBS-13 in Sacramento and CBS-3 in Philadelphia found that Walmart's gift receipts don't always return your money's worth.

CBS-13 investigative reporter Kurtis Ming shared the story on "The Early Show."
Ming said team went to Walmart storesy, purchased items, and asked for a gift receipt. But time after time, when they returned those items using the gift receipt, they got back much less than what was originally paid. And the investigative teams aren't the only customers affected.

David Schmitz used a gift receipt to return a present he bought at a Walmart in California.
Schmitz told CBS News, "When I purchased the item it cost $15 plus tax. When I tried to return the item using the gift receipt, I was offered $7.50 plus tax."
The makeup kit Schmitz purchased had since gone on sale, so he was only offered back the reduced price -- not what he originally paid.
Schmitz said, "It seemed very obvious that a person should be getting the full amount, and that's the purpose of a receipt."
The Walmart eventually gave Schmitz a full refund, but Ming said the CBS News teams wanted to test Walmart's policy.

So, with hidden cameras rolling, they visited stores in California and New Jersey, purchased items and returned them with gift receipts after the items had gone on sale.
An electric blanket cost a CBS team $31.03 at a New Jersey Walmart, but when it was returned, they received $20.33 back.
On a hidden camera tape, a member of the CBS News team said, "I thought it was more than that? "The Walmart associate replies, "It probably was, but if you don't have a receipt with the actual price, I have to give you whatever comes up. "The team originally paid $14 for a pair of boots and a t-shirt. The return? Just $10.
When asked why it was $10 instead of $14, the Walmart associate says, "It doesn't tell us the price, whatever scans in is what you get." CBS News spent $106.85 at Walmart, but the gift receipts returned $62.32. The total loss was $44.53.

Sally Greenberg, executive director of the National Consumers League, told CBS News, "I think it's reprehensible. ... Consumers are cynical enough about company policy. This just adds to their sense of mistrust and disappointment."

Walmart says the employees seen in the CBS News investigation weren't following company policy. Lorenzo Lopez, a Walmart spokesperson, provided CBS News with a video statement. In it, Lopez, said, "It's our expectation to refund the original purchase price when returning an item with a gift receipt."

But Schmitz isn't buying Walmart's explanation -- or any more items with a gift receipt from its stores. Schmitz said, "It was set up to where the person giving would not know if the gift was returned and the person receiving the gift would not know the amount paid."

Following the investigation, Walmart says, it issued a memo to its more than 3,800 stores nationwide to make sure all employees know that consumers with gift receipts should receive a full refund for the original amount paid, under company policy. It's also worth noting -- not all store items have the same return policies. So, Ming added, "You've got to be clear on the rules before you buy that next gift.

Now....do you believe the Walmart associates "were not" following company policy or is Walmart mad that got caught up? Let's here from you - post your comments!

May 21st Doomsday Movement Harms Christianity....

By Robert Jeffress, Special to CNN

In January 1961, a few days before John F. Kennedy was inaugurated as president, he invited Billy Graham to spend a day with him in Key Biscayne, Florida. After a round of golf, Kennedy and Graham were returning to their hotel when Kennedy stopped the white Lincoln convertible he was driving by the side of the road.
“Billy, do you believe that Jesus Christ is coming back to Earth one day?” Kennedy asked.
“Yes, Mr. President, I certainly do,” the evangelist responded.
“Then why do I hear so little about it?” Kennedy wondered.
Were Kennedy alive today, he probably wouldn't be asking the same question.
During Kennedy’s lifetime, few mainline Protestant churches discussed the second coming of Jesus Christ.

Fifty years later, however, televangelists, network television programs, movies and books like the "Left Behind" series — which has sold more than 60 million copies — have succeeded in placing the return of Jesus Christ in the public consciousness.

A 2004 Newsweek poll revealed that 55 percent of Americans believe in the Rapture, the snatching away of all Christians prior to the end of the world and the return of Jesus Christ.

As a pastor who preaches often about Bible prophecy, I am grateful for the general awareness people have of the promised return of Jesus Christ.
But our culture’s newfound interest in the end times has a downside. Bible prophecy inherently attracts fanatics. As a seminary professor of mine used to say to our class, “Remember, wherever there is light, there are bugs!”
One of those fanatics is Harold Camping, the founder of the Christian broadcasting ministry

Family Radio in Oakland, California. Camping has predicted that the Rapture will occur at 6 p.m. on Saturday, May 21, followed by the end of the world five months later on October 21, 2011.
Family Radio has plastered billboards across the nation with the warning “Judgment Day, May 21, The Bible Guarantees It!”

Road trip to the end of the world
Readers should note that Camping first predicted the world’s end in 1994. He says he was wrong due to a mathematical miscalculation.
Now I am going to make my own prediction which I’m (almost) willing to stake my life on: May 21 will come and go without any Rapture.
How can I be so certain of my prophecy? The Bible itself says that no one can know the date of the end of the world.

Predicting the apocalypse
In discussing His return to Earth, Jesus told His disciples, “... of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone.” (Matthew 24:36).
If God has not even revealed to his own son the date the world will end, I doubt he has revealed it to Harold Camping.
My hunch is that the date God ultimately has chosen is one that will not be plastered on billboards around the country.
What harm is there in an 89-year-old preacher making prognostications about the end of the world?

First, such predictions give non-Christians one more reason to discount the Bible.
For example, many secularists have dismissed the Bible because they assume that it teaches the world is only 6,000 years old. In reality, the Bible never makes such a claim about the Earth’s age. Instead, some well-intentioned Christians have misused the genealogies in the Bible to attempt to ascertain the date of creation.

Similarly, when next Saturday passes without a Rapture, some will say, “See, the Bible was wrong again,” when, in fact, it will have been Harold Camping who was wrong — again.
Second, predictions about the end of the world always lead some people to make foolish decisions. When a self-professed prophet named Edgar Whisenant predicted that the Rapture would occur in 1988, a couple I know responded by charging their Visa card to the limit with a trip to Disney World, believing the bank would be left with the bill once they had left the Magic Kingdom for God’s kingdom.
Obviously, things did not go as planned.

A look at the ways the world could end
Just as every teacher knows how unproductive and unfocused students are the week before school lets out, God knows how tempted we would be to neglect the responsibilities he has entrusted to us if we knew the date we would be raptured into heaven. That is why God refuses to show us his calendar and instead instructs us to focus on our assignment.
But the most harmful consequence of Camping’s false prediction is that it discourages people from making the necessary preparation for the real event when it actually occurs.
Remember the boy who cried wolf once too often? The villagers were so hardened to the boy’s false alarms that they were unprepared when the wolf finally arrived.

When May 21 passes and Camping’s prophecy is added to the ash heap of discredited prophecies, some will be tempted to join the chorus of cynics whom the Bible predicts will mockingly say, “Where is the promise of Christ’s coming?” (2 Peter 3:3-4).
Make no mistake about it. As Billy Graham affirmed to President Kennedy, Jesus is coming back some day. Over 1,800 verses in the Old Testament and 300 verses in the New Testament prophesy of the lord’s return.

Don’t allow the Harold Campings of the world keep you from making the necessary preparation for the end — whenever it may be. What are your thoughts? Post your comments.

Best Credit Cards for different stages of life

(CBS News)
If you're looking for the perfect credit card, don't just focus on the interest rate: It's the perks that make the difference.

On "The Early Show" Monday, Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, author of "Perfect Credit" and founder of the free financial advice blog "Ask The Money Coach," spotlighted cards she says are the best for your lifestyle, in large part depending on which stage of life you're in.
Khalfani-Cox says most people just look at the interest rate right off the top when selecting a card. But, she points out, you really have to go well beyond that in choosing one. You have to think about how you'll actually be using the card in your life. What benefits will you be getting? What does it have to do, or does it fit with your lifestyle? Do you have to pay off the balance all at once, or can you pay it down from month-to-month? All these things are important to pay attention to, given where you are in life.

COLLEGE GRADS
You really want to make a great start to your credit in terms of managing your debt wisely, and you don't want to get into the habit of using it solely for convenience. The first thing to do is to separate your needs from your wants. So, when you're looking for the right card, it pays to think, "What can I reasonably pay off every single month? Am I going to be using this on beer and pizza runs or on furniture, electronic and travel?" Think about the long term effects of your charges, so you don't rack up debt.
I recommend three:

The first is the Orchard Bank Classic Mastercard. It has a low APR (a variable rate of 7.9 percent), and a lot of great features to keep you on track. The card offers e-mail and text message reminders to pay your bills and stay within your credit limit, regular credit bureau updates that enable college grads to build credit quickly. and customer service by phone and the web that enables grads to track purchases and maintain a budget.

The second one I'd recommend is for people who are trying to furnish their first apartment. I's the SONY card from Capital One. It's great because you get the maximum bang for your buck in terms of spending. First, you get a 0 percent APR for up to 10 months, which is great to start with. Any electronics or gadgets you buy earn you bonus points, so it's great for a young adult who wants to buy a new entertainment center, and you get extra bonus points on any SONY purchases.

The third one is really for the college grad who's interested in going out there hitting movies, dining out a lot and generally being social. The CITI Forward card is good for that, since you earn bonus rewards points wherever people congregate socially -- like bookstores, restaurants, etc. If you go out and charge those expenses on the card, you're automatically maximizing its value in points. In addition, if you go paperless and sign up for online bill payments, you get extra points. The rewards points can then be used at the same places you're going out. Not only will they give you coupons to those places, but discounts, as well.

NEWLYWEDS
Anybody who recently got married knows getting married is super-expensive. The average wedding in the U.S. costs about $25,000 and, more often than not, a lot of people who walk down the aisle put their wedding tab on their credit cards. You don't want to start out your married life with big financial bills that can lead to arguments and even worse. I would emphasize choosing cards that give you plenty of time to pay off your bills.
I recommend two:

The Discover More card is great because it does two things. First, if you want to use if for the wedding expenses themselves, you have an automatic 6-month 0 percent APR on all new purchases. If, however, you used a different card and didn't have this one, you can do a balance transfer to it and for 18 months, you'll get a 0 percent APR, so you have a year-and-a-half to pay off the photographer, reception, limo rental, you name it. It gives you a lot of time to pay off your balance.

If you're eligible for the PenFed Promise Visa card, it's another great one for newlyweds for a number of reasons. Top qualify, you must be a United States Government employee, member of the United States Military and Uniformed Services, employee or volunteer of the American Red Cross, member of the National Military Family Association, or a family member/housemate of a current PenFed member. First, it's a credit union offer, which is credit owned and operated by its members. So, if you don't qualify for this one in particular, you should look into other credit union offers that you do qualify for. With the average credit card rate at about 15 percent, the PenFed Promise Visa card offers an APR of 7.49 percent for all purchases, and if you do a balance transfer, offers a 4.99 percent APR, which lasts for three years. The other big thing about this card is that you're not going to get nickled and dimed using it. It has no late fees, additional fees or annual fees. It's a really good card for people who are tired of big banks who charge additional fees on regular activities. For couples who are just starting out, invariably, there are things that you have to buy for your house that you don't get off of your registry in the first couple of years, and this will give you a 3 year time period to pay things down with a low APR. It gives you a good head start.

PARENT
You want to look for something that's going to benefit your child financially over the long-haul. We all know that kids are going to constantly ask you to do one thing: spend, spend, spend, but a responsible parent needs to teach their kids that there are four ways to deal with money: save, spend, invest or donate it. One of my picks helps you do three of those things: save, spend as you make charges, but also invest in your kid's college education:

The first card is the American Express Fidelity Investments 529 College Rewards card. A 529 is a state-sponsored college savings plan. With this card, instead of earning points or miles that you can use right away, you essentially have a college savings account at Fidelity Investments. For all of the charges you make, two percent of your spending gets diverted to your kid's savings account. That money will grow tax-free until your kids reach college age, and then, if you use it for higher education, you don't pay taxes on it. If instead, you do decide to use it for something different than education, you'd pay regular income tax on it.

The other card I recommend is, if your kids are a little older, maybe teenagers. It's called the MTV Visa Card from Capitol One. What's great about this card is it's a rewards point system that enables you to rack up points quickly on anything that has to do with entertainment. If your kids are eating out all the time or you go to a restaurant, you earn 2 points for every dollar spent. For anything entertainment-related, you earn 5 points per dollar spent. It's a rich rewards program.

STARTING OVER
Somebody who is starting over might have been through either personal or financial adversity. Maybe they've been downsized, gone through a foreclosure or a divorce. There are the five "dreaded Ds," as I call them: divorce, downsizing, disability, disease or a death in the family, and any one could lead you to having to rebuild your credit rating. In these cases, sometimes a traditional credit card isn't the best thing for you. Instead, there are things called non-traditional credit cards. I mentioned the Orchard card before for college students, but there's a different version of the card:

The Secured Orchard Card. It's secured by Mastercard and issued by HSBC. It's for those who have bad credit or those who need to rebuild or start over with thinner credit than they'd hoped, or those who have no credit files at all. What's different about a secured credit card as opposed to a traditional one is that you put a certain amount of money into the card, and that becomes your minimum credit. It requires a minimum deposit of $200 and, if you put that down, that will become your credit limit. Frankly, this type of card even works for somebody who might not have been approved for a traditional unsecured credit card. In essence, you, as a consumer, have paid in advance for the things you're going to buy, but what's great is, it helps you build your credit rating for the future. I recommend you put a recurring bill, like your cell phone bill or utility bill on the card and pay it off every month. This creates a good payment history for your credit file, and helps offset whatever setbacks you might have had in the past. With over 14 million Americans out of work, it's hard to pay your bills when you're out of a job, but this card has a great reputation in the marketplace to help you get back on your feet.

My second recommendation is another prepaid credit card called the VISA RUSHCard. It's similar to the secure Orchard card, but has other advantages: While the card has an activation fee and a monthly maintenance fee, there are no overdraft charges, and you avoid the risk of getting into credit card debt. In the meantime, you are rebuilding your credit. The RUSHCard also allows for direct deposit from your paycheck, so it's a good way of keeping track of any spending. This card isn't for everybody, but really for somebody looking to start over due to bad credit. It's for somebody who doesn't trust themselves with credit, but wants to get better.

RETIREES
You don't necessarily need to get a new card, but certainly, if you look at the lifestyle issues that people face when they retire, there are changes. Many have more time on their hands and are more likely to travel around the world or to visit their grandkids, who may be in a different state. For them, I recommend two cards:

First is the Capitol One Venture Rewards Card. One of the downsides to traveling a lot and using cards is getting hit up with a lot of fees. This card bucks that trend and doesn't have any foreign transaction fees, which can add up. You can also use any frequent flyer miles you generate on this card on ANY airline, and there are NO blackout dates whatsoever. A lot of cards have frequent flyer miles only for specific dates or on preferred carriers. This works on them all, all of the time. Plus, your miles never expire. That's huge.

The one other card I'd recommend is an investment-related card geared toward retirement. It's the Fidelity Retirement Rewards Card from American Express. This card links to an IRA, an individual retirement account, and two percent of all of your purchases goes into this account to save you money for your retirement. So, if you spend $100, $2 goes into your account. That's a really good deal, because it helps you save. Every statistic will tell you that Americans aren't saving enough for retirement, so anything you can do to augment your retirement savings is worth it, and this is a pretty painless way to do it.

What's the Verdict? Lady Gaga's Controversial Video - Judas

Considering the roads Lady Gaga’s music videos have led us down before, it's understandable if you were bracing for something outlandish for "Judas." Especially since there was controversy before it even debuted yesterday.

The 25-year-old stars in a biker version of Judas’ betrayal of Jesus as a lipstick gun-wielding Mary Magdalene of sorts, but E! seems to be on to something when they describe the video as more traditional than ones past. (Call us jaded if you must.)

Of course, there’s religious imagery a-plenty, and Gaga explained to MTV that “This video has not meant to be an attack on religion,” she says of the content. “I respect and love everyone’s beliefs. I’m a religious and spiritual person who’s obsessed with religious art. I’m obsessed with it.”



So are critics obsessed with her video?

Entertainment Weekly’s “kneejerk reaction” was negative, at first thinking that perhaps it was her “weakest video to date.” But after examining the video a bit more – and realizing that Laurieann Gibson’s choreography may be to blame – EW finds it ultimately “refreshing” that she opted to give “such a personal perspective on her faith.”

Vulture, meanwhile, felt “Judas” didn’t quite live up to the drama surrounding it. “[D]espite the crowns of thorns, biker gangs, impressive eyeliner, and religious symbolism, this feels less ‘eventful’ than videos past,” Vulture notes, adding that we’ve seen Gaga play with religious themes before.

Agrees the New York Post, “While there is undeniable religious iconography throughout the Bethlehem biker babe video…[‘Judas’] barely registers a blip on the Blasphemy-O-Meter.”

U.K. paper The Guardian was similarly underwhelmed, saying that the music video is “Fairly sedate, all things considered.” But, The Guardian adds, it’s almost better that way: “the fact that Judas isn't particularly 'controversial' and doesn't get weighed down by its own importance means that it's actually much more enjoyable as a music video.”

Have you seen it? Watch the video and tell us what you think?

Am I getting a blessing or am I stealing?

Have you ever gone to a fast food chain and ordered your food and after receiving your order you check your bag and realize you have some extra food in your bag that you DIDN'T PAY FOR? What do you do?  Do you consider it a BLESSING or is it actually STEALING?  Do you take it back or make your way home to eat the extra goodies in your bag?

Do you sound like this:

"HALLELUJAH Thank you JESUS, they gave me an extra wing in my 3 piece!"

or

"They gave me an extra wing, I think I will take it back because JESUS would!"

We want to hear your stories so leave your comments. 

The Greater Paradise Christian Center Celebrate Founder - Pastor Shawn L. Bell

The fresh anointing on Senior Pastor Shawn L. Bell, complemented with an insight in the revelation ofGod’s word, is touching the hearts of people around the country. It is very evident that God has raised Pastor Bell up to challenge the Body of Christ out of their complacency. With a perfect merging of foundational structure from both The Historic - Church Of God In Christ and A.M.E. Zion Church, he continues to take people from destruction to their destiny, while carving a path to spiritual renewal.
He began his education in the Gaston County (NC) Public School System, and later matriculated throughthe Livingstone College and Clinton College earning a degree in Liberal Arts. It is of greater knowledgeto couple education with experience.
At the tender age of 15, Pastor Bell ministered his initial sermon at Vestibule A.M.E. Zion Church(King’s Mountain, NC) under the tutelage of his Pastor and (natural) Father, The Reverend CorneliusBell. Ordained and Pastoring in the A.M.E. Zion Reformation at 18, by The Bishop George EdwardBattle, Jr., the pursuit of excellence was always a familiar mark set by Pastor Bell.
God has afforded Pastor Bell, throughout the years, the opportunity to serve in various internationalareas, most notably he serves on the Board of Directors of Dr. Thomas A. Dorsey’s National Convention of Gospel Choirs and Choruses...which he was appointed by his spiritual mentor, The Late Bishop Kenneth H. Moales. Also, in 2010 Pastor Bell was elevated to the Office of International Director of Marketing and Public Relations for the Mount Calvary Holy Church of America under the leadership of his beloved Spiritual Parents, Archbishop Alfred A. Owens and Co-Pastor Susie C. Owens (Senior Pastors andEstablishmentarians of the Greater Mt. Calvary Holy Church of Washington, DC).

Pastor Bell travels extensively throughout the country ministering in conferences, worship celebrations and leadership seminars. His gifting is recognized by many key leaders of the world to be in the forefront of the apostolic and prophetic function within the Body of Christ. Pastor Bell is not only anointed to preach and teach the word of God, but he also has been blessed musically as a vocalist. He has shared the stage and worked with numerous Recording Artists in workshops, seminars and the like.

Pastor Shawn along with his wife, Lady A. Faye Bell are the Establishmentarians of The Greater Paradise Christian Center, an exciting, urban and thriving church located in the City of Baltimore. Paradise has been impacting the Baltimore/Washington Metropolitan area since 2003 by challenging its members to realize and fulfill their regional and global responsibilities. With well over several hundred (active) members, GPCC is recognized as a holistic center of Hope on the cutting edge of new an innovative ways for presenting ministry. Many of the groundbreakinginitiatives include the GPCC Center of Hope Community Development Cooperation, which houses both Adult Day programs and Youth drivenactivities; the Paradise

Touch Apparel and Hair Salon; along with the 180-seat Eating and Dining Facility. Pastor Bell has prophetically challenged the people of God spiritually, and economically to remove traditional mindsets and replace them with Kingdom Building mentalities.

In addition to all of Pastor Bell’'s accomplishments, his role as husband to A. Faye Bell and father to Olivia L. Bell has bought the most fulfillment.When you experience the ministry of Pastor Bell, you will quickly recognize the sovereignty of God upon his life, family, and ministry.

So on this Founders Day, we the members of the Greater Paradise Christian Center salute you Pastor Shawn L. Bell.

What Do You Want To Talk About?

Are you itching to talking about something we haven't touched on yet?  Do you have some interesting topics in mind to share with the world?  We would love to post some of your ideas and topics on the blog.  Just send us an email: blog@greaterparadise.org

GPCC Twitter Giveaway

Greater Paradise is doing a random drawing for a prize that will be given away on Sunday, February 20th.  To be entered in the drawing all you have to do is follow greaterparadise on Twitter (www.twitter.com/greaterparadise).  You only have 2 more days to sign up in order to be entered to win.  You dont have to be present to win.